Taboo Topic
/
0 Comments
I want to talk about something uncomfortable here for a second.
Years ago, a boy crazy friend of mine asked our R.A. if being married was just 'the best thing ever'. She smiled [probably at our naivety] and said one of her favourite things was this- there were days where she felt down on herself or kind of dumpy-and he was still there. And days where he was the one who felt down and dumpy-and she was still there. So in a weird way, it kind of evened out, so neither of them had to feel like they were holding the other back, and they still felt loved and supported on their good days, and not so good days. I remember she laughed at our wide eyes and polite responses, realising that this wasn't the answer we were expecting...but now?
I get that. Everyone has moment where they feel a tiny bit down on themselves. I never like to talk about weight, bc its such a personal, sometimes tender subject for everyone. But I think maybe that adds to the taboo nature of it, and therefore can create, and then become a problem. I grew up in a home where weight was never something I ever thought of. I don't know if I just had a huge ego, or an overt sense of self or what, but it wasn't really something I considered too terribly much. I never felt skinny, but I never felt fat and I was happy with who I was and where I was at. I ate what I wanted and what was around [which was often baked yummies], and and didn't think to much about it. Both in high school and beyond. Which I think was both healthy for my self esteem and image, but also unhealthy in creating good habits for the long run.
My point is, I think right now, I'm feeling like its my turn to be in the dumpy phase. Lester and I have spent over a decade together [some of that married, some of it not] and we have both fluctuated with our fitness goals and our weight. Before we found out we were pregnant with Bear, I had this nice year where I felt like I finally had things figured out a bit. Enough so that I was able to do things like my hair and makeup, prepare delicious, healthy meals and work out some. At the time, Lester was on the opposite end of that. And then, in true Lester fashion, once he committed to new fitness goals, he was all in. So for a hot second, we were on the same train and direction. And it was nice. And then I found out I was pregnant-which was wonderful. But obviously, life changing, in regards to all our lives, but also my health. Apart from the healthy lifestyle and the few pounds I had lost before hand, I was suddenly unable to keep virtually anything down. I lost 17 lbs in the first trimester, and like with Isla, the nausea lasted till near the end of the 2nd trimester, and never completely went away [thank you zofran for keeping me alive at that time!] And once I was able to keep things down, the only things I craved were fairly healthy. Things like arugula, all day every day, and oatmeal. In fact, the one time I craved carrot cake, I spent a night making it from scratch, only to have one slice and realise I couldn't eat more because I wanted more greens. I'm not saying this is a healthy way to go about things-it isn't. But that said, despite the baby weight, it was nice that Lester and I were on the same page for the time being-him by choice, me not. So for a while, that was that.
But now we are here, and I am back to learning how to balance three kids [all with different schedules and needs] and life in general, and keep my milk supply up-and the last thing I am thinking of is doing my hair or makeup, or taking time to make myself a healthy meal or work out. I know that I really SHOULD make time for these things-me time and all that ideal crap that people talk about. Its great, and some people make it happen-but its not realistic and not my priority these days. Right now, while I figure it out, my priority for 'my needs' are 1. showering alone, often enough to be somewhat presentable. and 2. extra sleep if the opportunity ever comes. [oh man, could you imagine how amazing a nap would be in the shower?] and then lastly 3. time to read. Just because I like it and it makes me feel like an adult for once, which I love and crave in this beautiful world of imagination and drool. I know I could switch one or two of these out with working out or creating some healthy dish. But I don't want to. Is that so wrong? I don't know. Maybe? I'm debating with myself on it.
I guess its just hard because I'm torn between absolute pride and happiness that my spouse has figured out how this fits into his lifestyle, but also a little bit of worry that now I'm the weak link in the chain haha. Its just hard to watch him shed the weight and build the muscle [which he deserves and has/is working hard for] and then look in the mirror and realise that I am probably the only person in the world who gains weight AFTER pregnancy, bc I am so excited to be able to eat again, and bc I am always ravenously hungry after feeding my big, beautiful baby boy, and bc I eat what is at hand, which is often convenient food that is ready made, and also unhealthy. So for now, thats where I'm at.
All this said, I want to be clear that I'm not worrying about it to much. Honestly, thats one of the reasons I'm writing it down and getting it out of my system. It therapeutic and it helps me to remember that it isn't always going to be this way. Once I get the hang of three kids, and can start incorporating things, one at a time back into my life, I can figure it out.
And I know I always tell my other friends who are mothers that they need to remember to focus on the positive-that instead of thinking about all the things they or their bodies are lacking, they need to focus on what their incredible bodies are capable of-I mean-for goodness sake I just grew a HUMAN for crying out loud-its ok if it takes my body and mind time to bounce back from that. See-I feel better already!
I think I will always remember what that R.A. said all those years ago. It seemed like strange advice then, but to this day it still ring true. I'm grateful I have a spouse who takes my burdens, and allows me the pleasure of bearing his back. I love that there is always a shared dynamic and support in our marriage, and that he is the person to ride this wave with me-right now, while I'm feeling a bit down, and later on when he may be.
Years ago, a boy crazy friend of mine asked our R.A. if being married was just 'the best thing ever'. She smiled [probably at our naivety] and said one of her favourite things was this- there were days where she felt down on herself or kind of dumpy-and he was still there. And days where he was the one who felt down and dumpy-and she was still there. So in a weird way, it kind of evened out, so neither of them had to feel like they were holding the other back, and they still felt loved and supported on their good days, and not so good days. I remember she laughed at our wide eyes and polite responses, realising that this wasn't the answer we were expecting...but now?
I get that. Everyone has moment where they feel a tiny bit down on themselves. I never like to talk about weight, bc its such a personal, sometimes tender subject for everyone. But I think maybe that adds to the taboo nature of it, and therefore can create, and then become a problem. I grew up in a home where weight was never something I ever thought of. I don't know if I just had a huge ego, or an overt sense of self or what, but it wasn't really something I considered too terribly much. I never felt skinny, but I never felt fat and I was happy with who I was and where I was at. I ate what I wanted and what was around [which was often baked yummies], and and didn't think to much about it. Both in high school and beyond. Which I think was both healthy for my self esteem and image, but also unhealthy in creating good habits for the long run.
My point is, I think right now, I'm feeling like its my turn to be in the dumpy phase. Lester and I have spent over a decade together [some of that married, some of it not] and we have both fluctuated with our fitness goals and our weight. Before we found out we were pregnant with Bear, I had this nice year where I felt like I finally had things figured out a bit. Enough so that I was able to do things like my hair and makeup, prepare delicious, healthy meals and work out some. At the time, Lester was on the opposite end of that. And then, in true Lester fashion, once he committed to new fitness goals, he was all in. So for a hot second, we were on the same train and direction. And it was nice. And then I found out I was pregnant-which was wonderful. But obviously, life changing, in regards to all our lives, but also my health. Apart from the healthy lifestyle and the few pounds I had lost before hand, I was suddenly unable to keep virtually anything down. I lost 17 lbs in the first trimester, and like with Isla, the nausea lasted till near the end of the 2nd trimester, and never completely went away [thank you zofran for keeping me alive at that time!] And once I was able to keep things down, the only things I craved were fairly healthy. Things like arugula, all day every day, and oatmeal. In fact, the one time I craved carrot cake, I spent a night making it from scratch, only to have one slice and realise I couldn't eat more because I wanted more greens. I'm not saying this is a healthy way to go about things-it isn't. But that said, despite the baby weight, it was nice that Lester and I were on the same page for the time being-him by choice, me not. So for a while, that was that.
But now we are here, and I am back to learning how to balance three kids [all with different schedules and needs] and life in general, and keep my milk supply up-and the last thing I am thinking of is doing my hair or makeup, or taking time to make myself a healthy meal or work out. I know that I really SHOULD make time for these things-me time and all that ideal crap that people talk about. Its great, and some people make it happen-but its not realistic and not my priority these days. Right now, while I figure it out, my priority for 'my needs' are 1. showering alone, often enough to be somewhat presentable. and 2. extra sleep if the opportunity ever comes. [oh man, could you imagine how amazing a nap would be in the shower?] and then lastly 3. time to read. Just because I like it and it makes me feel like an adult for once, which I love and crave in this beautiful world of imagination and drool. I know I could switch one or two of these out with working out or creating some healthy dish. But I don't want to. Is that so wrong? I don't know. Maybe? I'm debating with myself on it.
I guess its just hard because I'm torn between absolute pride and happiness that my spouse has figured out how this fits into his lifestyle, but also a little bit of worry that now I'm the weak link in the chain haha. Its just hard to watch him shed the weight and build the muscle [which he deserves and has/is working hard for] and then look in the mirror and realise that I am probably the only person in the world who gains weight AFTER pregnancy, bc I am so excited to be able to eat again, and bc I am always ravenously hungry after feeding my big, beautiful baby boy, and bc I eat what is at hand, which is often convenient food that is ready made, and also unhealthy. So for now, thats where I'm at.
All this said, I want to be clear that I'm not worrying about it to much. Honestly, thats one of the reasons I'm writing it down and getting it out of my system. It therapeutic and it helps me to remember that it isn't always going to be this way. Once I get the hang of three kids, and can start incorporating things, one at a time back into my life, I can figure it out.
And I know I always tell my other friends who are mothers that they need to remember to focus on the positive-that instead of thinking about all the things they or their bodies are lacking, they need to focus on what their incredible bodies are capable of-I mean-for goodness sake I just grew a HUMAN for crying out loud-its ok if it takes my body and mind time to bounce back from that. See-I feel better already!
I think I will always remember what that R.A. said all those years ago. It seemed like strange advice then, but to this day it still ring true. I'm grateful I have a spouse who takes my burdens, and allows me the pleasure of bearing his back. I love that there is always a shared dynamic and support in our marriage, and that he is the person to ride this wave with me-right now, while I'm feeling a bit down, and later on when he may be.
