My Mom arrived at the Oklahoma airport on the last day of Lester's internship last Saturday. Addy and I spent the entire day in excitement trying not to watch the clock and count the minutes. When they finally got here, it was seriously bliss. Addy and her Grandma immediately fell in love with each other and we all spent the night just enjoying each others company and being together.

The next day, we woke up and made breakfast burritos before heading off to church. This was Addy's first official week, as she has just turned a month old. E.J. picked us up and we all enjoyed the meetings, although Addy had us rotating in and out of the various classes haha. But she is worth it ;) After church, we headed over to E.J.'s for a delicious lunch. Once we got home, we took our Sunday naps and ate dinner and of course cookies while watching Northern Exposure and hanging out.

Monday morning, Lester headed out for some last signatures for his internship, while the three of us girls went for a walk around the complex. Once he got home, we were extremely happy to find that rental cars were at a ridiculously low price-so we decided to go on an impromptu trip to Texas to visit my Mom's sister and her family. The drive to their house is only about 3 hours, so apart from one stop to feed Addy we made it in fairly good time. It was SO fun. So much family-ones I've met and ones I hadn't before-I loved it. It was nice to because over the years I have seen and cuddled all of Rocio's kids-and this time, she got to do that with our baby! I know it was great for my Mom to be with her sister too. Over all, it was just a blast. While there, we were able to see most of my cousins in that family, and a few of us are at an age where we are starting to have kids. It is fun to watch this new generation and imagine and hope they will get to have relationships that we had as kids, even though we lived far away. Anyways, while there we enjoyed some delicious food, a picnic at a lake, lots of Once Upon A Time, and of course, some Just Dance and Phase 10. We also stopped for some frozen custard and to see Chio's exciting new house! When we left on Wednesday it was bittersweet, but we are just glad for the wonderful visit.

Once home, my Mom and I ran out to the store to get all the groceries for our Thanksgiving feast the next day. It was crowded and I kinda felt like we were on a game show, but good. After Thanksgiving, which I already blogged about, we had one more day together. We spent a lot of time talking, laughing,  face timing with family, playing some games like Monopoly Deal. My Mom made a delicious turkey soup and of course, left us with a batch of cookies and lots of yummy leftover. We watched the movie Brave that night while we finished online black Friday shopping, and then my Mom and I stayed up for a while just talking and stuff.

Her visit was not only fun, but extremely helpful. Both physically and emotionally. Lester and I both got more sleep, and Addy got a lot of cuddle time with her sweet Grandma. We tried to convince her to never leave, but since we will see her in a week she ended up going anyways.

It was a great visit and the three of us loved every second of it. I can't wait for the day when we can all live a lot lot closer.

This Thanksgiving was WONDERFUL! As most of you know, my Mom has been in town for the whole week to visit and help us with our sweet baby. We jam packed the week with fun things to do, so I will blog about those within the next few days. But as far as the actual day of Thanksgiving goes, we had a lot of fun. My Mom spoiled us and made most of the entire meal, apart from the apple pie [which I made] and the sweet potatoes [which my sister's father-in-law made]. All day our house smelled like heaven. We watched the Thanksgiving parade as we did these things which was a lot of fun. My Mom and I also spent our time talking, laughing and of course cuddling with Addy, who slept most of the day. Lester & E.J also did their fair share of playing with Addy, while also watching football, eating and other fun stuff. In the morning, Lester was also able to fulfill a month long wish we had. While my Mom watched Addy, we spent some time just the two of us getting a Christmas tree! It was the first shipment that they had, and we were their first customers. So we also spent the day decorating the tree, putting the presents my Mom had brought us under it, all while listening to Christmas music. I even got a short nap at one point to catch up on my sleepless nights haha; especially since we stayed up late doing online black friday shopping haha!

Over all, I am completely blessed and overwhelmed with all the things I have to be grateful for, this year especially. There are simply no words to encompass all that I feel. I hope all your Thanksgivings were as wonderful as ours! Now-ON TO CHRISTMAS!

Today is a simple good day. The fact that it is one of Lester's days off makes that kinda a give in, but right now I am clinging to the basic good days of normalcy. I like that me and Addy are beginning to find a routine and I feel like I am very slowly, but surely starting to gain control of my new, wonderful, ever changing life.

I have banana bread w/ Ghirardelli chocolate chips in baking in the oven. I'm covered in a fuzzy blanket with new episodes of Psych on. I have just finished feeding, burping, changing and cuddling her to sleep successfully. I have finished the laundry and the dishes. I am actually showered, dressed and feeling not sick. I have journaled and made goals to help the things that I am struggling with be more endurable. I have talked with family and friends. I have candles burning, and we have Christmas decorations up. I have my Mom coming on Saturday to look forward to, some time off to spend with Lester and hopefully a visit to Texas, and then a visit home to bless our sweet baby.

Best of all, I have people who love and care for me and my beautiful family, with a gospel I believe in to sustain me in the hard times. I don't think I am 100% in the clear yet. I don't think I've ever gone through any kind of real depression, and this whole baby blues syndrome [or whatever it is] is something I never could have fathomed before. I also think that when you are pregnant, you think to yourself 'after the baby comes, and things get back to normal..'but then, you do have your miracle baby, and you realize that things will never 'go back' to the way they were before. They will always be different-you are parents now and that can be overwhelming. But then you realize one day as you smell the banana bread cooking and think about your new life that you would never, ever want it to go back to how it was before, even if it is incredibly hard at times.

So, since right now I am feeling good, I am going to look forward. I am going to cherish this moment and do everything I can to feel that way more often, and not be hard on myself even when I do feel down. Its always darkest before the dawn right? Right.

PS: I hope anyone who reads this blog doesn't feel like I am ungrateful for the incredible family I have. Lester and Addy are the best things that have ever happened to me without question, and I love them more then anything. Writing these feelings and experiences I am having just helps me to see through the veil of this depression, [which apparently up to 80% of women experience] and see things for what they really are..a blessing.

PPS: I am adding pictures of Addy because lets face it she's adorable!]

Like most babies, Addy sometimes gets fussy. For the most part she isn't the most difficult baby but the other day and night, she was very unhappy to the point that all three of us were feeling it haha. I was at my breaking point when Lester finally got home from work. Everyone had told us how important swaddling was, but every time we tried it with her she broke out or cried. So when he brought home a special swaddler thing, I was doubtful to say the least. But good news-it works! While we put her in it, she fusses, but it eventually always puts her to sleep. Plus, she looks SO cute in it haha. Its been about a week now, and we are loving it. There are still times where she is fussy and I feel like I need 5 more hands to do everything, but I am SO so so grateful for the swaddler haha.

Lester and I started dating when we were kids. We would often make fun plans and dream big and sing 'Wouldn't It Be Nice?' by the Beach Boys and think about when we were older. It all seemed too wonderful to think that all those things could come true...

but good news...THEY DID! We had our separate adventures, traveled, lived, learned, then got married and now have had our own sweet, beautiful, darling little baby! Sure, there are moments where sleep seems like a far gone memory and my emotions are a bit shot. But oh-when I hold her my entire world stops. In those sweet, unconditionally loving eyes and perfect little body are every single one of my teenage dreams come true. She is my whole world. Everything starts and ends with her and I want nothing more then to do right by her and Lester. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed that someone needs me that much-like there are so many ways to do the wrong thing or mess up. I'm finding guilt is a constant companion for a new Mom in the midst of the baby blues-guilt because I didn't pick her up fast enough, guilt when I can't sleep because I want to make sure every single breathe she takes is just right, or guilt when I'm just not perfect.

But as I am starting to feel better every day and see things more clearly, I realize that of anyone, she loves me no matter what I do and her needs are being met. She will not judge me or hold it against me if her outfit isn't matching, or if my hair is a mess. She loves me and she needs me, just as I love her and need her to make me a better more humble, Christlike person. This experience is also revealing my own needs-more then ever I find myself needing the love and support of my family, and my own Momma. It doesn't matter if I am a world away, or if I feel alone. My Mom succors my needs and tells me all the things I so desperately need to hear. I think when you leave home, you think you've reached adulthood officially-like you'll miss your Mom, but you won't need her as much. But if anything, I'm realizing you need your Mom more then ever-and that you always will. I hope with all my heart that I can be even half the Momma mine is to me. I'm also realizing the true love a parent has for child, and the love my Father and Savior must have for me. My sweet husband gave me a blessing the other day, and in it I was reminded that if anyone knows how I'm feeling, it is my Savior. I always thought it was just a funny fact that Christ was the only naturally born man in the world who knows how it is to be pregnant since he felt the pains of all the world. But now I know how much I needed that-he knows my heart and how hard it was, and is now, and because of that he knows my needs and is sending the resources to meet them. Any other needs I have are also being met by the support of extended family, friends and my church. I am so just so blessed and even though its hard its also so much better then I could have ever imagined.

So far, being a Mom is the best, most wonderful thing I've ever done. It is also the most difficult, draining and scary thing I have ever done in my life. I love it and I love her and Lester more then anything in the whole world-still, I am hoping that sometime soon it will get easier and that I will be able to fill all these new roles I have. I'm sure much of it has to do with my hormones trying to regulate themselves. And with the fact that I still have yet to make friends here. And that I am more homesick then I ever have been in my whole life. And that I still haven't fully recovered from the PUPPP. And that I'm tired all the time. I imagine, when some of these things are eliminated, I will be better able to see things clearly. And I do have faith that they will eventually.
 [one of the peaceful moments that make it all worth it :)]