Bear doesn't sleep. He is 2.5 now. Through out the day, he is a happy, healthy, well adjusted kid. Watching him, you wouldn't know that he’s only only sleeps in about 3-4 hour intervals, with about a 3-4 hr break every night from 1:30 to about 5 every morning. And even those sleeping hours are broken sleep. We’ve tried regimented schedules, w planned naps and what not. We’ve tried keeping him awake through out the days, w no naps in sight. We’ve tried baths right before, having it be totally silent, having white noise in the background, aromatherapy, letting him cry it out in his crib, letting him sleep w us or other places, cuddling him,  feeding him tons before bed, having him stop eating for hours before bed, different blankets, water bottles or milk, singing to him etc etc. And Im not talking for like a night or two-each thing for like a freakin month or two. And honestly. Im just so tired guys.

Sometimes it reads as growing pains, and he’s clawing his legs or arm. Sometimes it seems like its teething and he’s grabbing at his mouth. Lots of the time it seems like nightmares, where hes not fully awake or asleep, he’s just crying out in frustration, or repeating the same phrase over and over again like ‘i don't want too’ or ‘i no like it’. Then, some nights, he’s just incredibly awake. Not upset or anything-just laying there bored and awake, wanting to talk or play or just watch us. FOR HOURS.

And like-i know that no matter how many kids you have, your never fully a pro-but I'm not exactly a rookie either. My other kids went through crappy sleep phases where we tried things till they worked. But w Bear, its been 2.5 years of trying to figure it out and I'm getting to a point of feeling like there is no end in sight. We are talking some newborns sleep better then him, and sometimes I'm just so frustrated w him, and others times i feel so bad for him. But I'm just feeling a little discouraged as i write this at 2:08am.

I don't really know why I'm writing this other then to just vent. Bc I'm at the point where if one more person gives me crappy advice like they have the answer, and its so simple and not an actual licensed diagnosis of insomnia, i may sock them in the face bc we’ve tried it and bc I'm too sleep deprived to care what miracle thing they think they have or hear the judgement or shock or pity  in their voice.

Ultimately, I'm going to ask the dr about it next visit. Bc I'm there guys. They probably wont have answers. But i also don't think this is normal. Maybe he can handle the little bits of broken sleep, but i am in my 30’s and have a million other things I'm responsible for that mean i cant keep doing life like this. Right?!? SAY RIGHT YOU GUYS.

Its been a minute! Things here have been going at their usual pendulum pace here, with a fair amount of fun stuff, and then a good stretch of lame/hard stuff like sickness and chores. But along the way we have made some fun, note worthy [at least for us!] memories.

For one thing, we loved participating in our second Cardboard drive in at the library. The girls asked for more independence this time with making their cars, which I begrudgingly obliged haha. Thank goodness I still have Bear who lets me help him! That said, I loved seeing their personalities and creativity flow and it was a fun night.




We of course decorated for Christmas right after Halloween, and have been loving the cozy ambiance it brings to our home, helped along by the music and movies, and lights we've gone to see. We've also joined the masses, to watch Frozen 2 in theatres as a family, which was great, and by indulging in all the new [and old!] stuff Disney Plus has had to offer, which has meant some fun movie nights. We've done our usual things, like fun school days, play dates w friends, museum visits, farmers market days,  tried some new recipes and gone out to try some other foods. The kids are all THRIVING in their different areas, especially academically and socially and that has been fun to be a part of.  



















I've been able to do some fun 'me time' type of stuff here and there, which has been fun-things like a mozzarella making class w a friend, finding some amazing Craft chocolate deals and experimenting in cooking/baking, lots of reading and audiobooks, and going to my first ever Super Saturday [and activity that I've heard about but never been too that some church members do-just like a big craft day kind of thing] where I made some Christmas ornaments that I have mixed feelings about.


















And of course, the biggest highlight of this last month or two was our Thanksgiving trip. A day or two before we were planning on leaving, plans changed, but we were still lucky enough to be able to get together in Utah for a few days w Hillary and family, Chio and family, Luke and Sam. The drive up was extremely windy, icy and snowy and we saw several crashes along the way, so we took it pretty slow-but once we got there, all of us loved being able to visit with so many cousins, siblings and friends. Bed time became a long time ago type of thing, and we were able to break off into various groups a few times, like get out a grab dessert and catch up, or go see a movie, do some grocery or Black Friday shopping, talk politics, and watch the daily fashion show our kids insisted on etc.

On Thanksgiving itself, we all took turns using the double oven to have an incredibly consistent, delicious meal-like, when I say that I mean I don't think their was a single dish that was not amazing, and it was fun that we all got to contribute. While things cooked, a big group of us went across the street to enjoy the tons of snow that had been gifted us with sledding, snowball fights, snow angels and a small snowman or two. The kids all just beamed taking turns plummeting down each little slope or lift, and even some of the adults got a piece of the action [I swear, mine and Chio's tail bones will be bruised forever after getting some air in a lift]. It was truly magical, until about 10 minutes before we left, when all the kids suddenly had had enough and the theatrics ensued haha. Still, hot chocolate and some fun Christmas movies fixed it up back at the house, and the feast later didn't hurt either. The next day, after said movie, we did some more snow play in the backyard, and some leftover morning pie, bc duh, and then made our way out down to Salt Lake to see the temple lights [which were so beautiful, especially with the falling snow and music playing in the background], visit Santa at the mall, and grab some dinner while the kids ran wild at the play place. After grabbing some hot chocolate on the way back to the house, we spent the night playing games and talking. On our last day there, we went on a walk to see the lake freezing over and play for a bit, check out more Black Friday deals, watch an intriguing documentary Hillary had recommended, before we broke off to get some soup dumplings [I MISSED YOU] and walk through some more light displays. We spent the rest of the night enjoying each others company, and packing up to leave the next morning at 5:30.































After a rousing temper fit for the first hour of the drive courtesy of Bear, it went smoothly and fairly quickly. We made a slight stop on the way back to check out Shoshone Falls which everyone had been telling us was beautiful, and they were right! Now after finally getting back we are all a bit of a mess, but trying to stay cozy and warm while we get ready to get back to reality.





Over all, we keep feeling surges of gratitude for this incredible life and experiences we are getting to have-especially now as we head into truly the MOST wonderful time of the year!!!