My Grandma passed away yesterday. I've been thinking alot about her in between tears of gratitude, loss and love. I feel so lucky to have grown up both physically and emotionally close to so many of my grandparents. I don't know if thats common or not, but especially right now that feels special. I hope you'll forgive me while I indulge for a minute and write about her. It helps.
I think my Grandma was an exception to alot of rules. While she was the kind of person who loved traditions [like our annual Easter cake that she found in a newspaper all those years ago, or things like making sure her hair was curled, and the table was set, even if that meant pouring the milk out of the carton and into a pitcher so it was more 'presentable' haha] she also defied alot of norms, even if it was quietly.
Now that I live so close to where she was born and raised I see those exceptions even more. She was an active member of her church, as well as the communities that aren't often mainstream in it. She cared about people, regardless of 'the time she came from' and in my memory, she always sought to learn from them, while also sharing with them. She was an active and involved parent, while also working in the school district where she put her amazing organizational skills to good use for decades. My Mom and her siblings still laugh at some of the meals my Grandpa would come up with on the days when she was too busy to cook as a result [hello salmon loaf haha.] She left Idaho so many years ago and fully, 100% immersed herself and loved living in a big place like the bay area. I remember I asked her once if ever wanted to go back in her lifetime and rolled her eyes, laughed and said 'NEVER-too much snow." She loved the diversity here, and the weather, even if it was an adjustment at first, and I love that she showed me that we are allowed to be changeable.
One of mine and my siblings favorite things growing up was getting to have one on one time with her and Grandpa at their tall apartment in South SF, where they lived for so much of my life. I always felt so fancy getting to be in there with them, trying on her makeup and jewelry, watching intense murder mysteries with her, or Law and Order followed by a Shirley Temple movie, and then going to IHOP together for breakfast for dinner. She was a good listener, and very kind. She led by example on how to be inclusive, and to co exist even when there were major differences with people.
I love the special relationship she had with my husband, as they watched him grow up along side me. He has his own memories with her and my Grandpa, and we both think from things they said and did that they knew we were going to get married years before we did, even in the moments when we weren't necassarily on board with it haha. She loved him and asked about him every time, even in the years we weren't together haha. She continued asking about him and talking with him even in her last few weeks of life, whether it was about medical ailments, his parents, the Giants or the latest things she saw on TV.
I love that my kids-each one of them-will grow up having memories with her, however slight. I love that in the years we lived close to home, she spent time reading with them, putting the marshmellows on the cake, and cuddling them. I loved doing our weekly, routine grocery shopping after she stopped driving, and eventually her dr appts too. She never made it feel inconvenient that I had to bring my kids with me-if anything she loved it. I am sure we looked like quite the group when we'd walk out of an elevator, her w her cane and me and my big old pregnant self with 2 kids holding hands while trying to make sure everyone was balanced ok haha. But she was always so proud of us and would show us off to everyone and anyone, even if it was a bit of circus. She always loved kids and babies, and even in her last few weeks would light up when we'd bring Talia in the room.
I'm grateful for the years she supported and loved me at my best and my worst teenage self, and for the sacred days and years I got to help my parents here and there take care of her-like after Grandpa died, or when she needed help running errands, or after she moved in w my parents. Even the hard moments feel special and important to me now. She helped me through some of the most significant, best and worst moments of my life and I feel so lucky I got to help her through some of her own.
Ultimately, I just can't help but feel how strange life and death are right now. I'm really happy she's not in pain anymore and that she's been able to move onward and upward. I know she missed my Grandpa and her parents [who I was lucky enough to know] but the world still does seem a little less knowing that she's not physically here anymore. I think the word bittersweet has never been more apt.
Anyways. I guess I'll just end by saying I loved her, and will always love her and I hope we can emulate who she was, and is for years to come. I am so grateful for her lifetime of love and service and example to me, and everyone who knew her.
