This is a journal right? Or some form of one anyway. So I'm gonna be real about it and share both some of the things that have been going on with us lately. And also some my feelings on those things. I know it won't be palatable to everyone. But it is MY reality and I want-ugh what exactly do I want? I think I want to be KNOWN. Not wondered about my why's, or have people making up assumptions on my reasons for believing the things I do or don't, or how and why I live my life the way I do. Yes. To be known. Both now-but also later. I want to exist, even beyond my life. 

So-here is some negativity. Either skip this section, or skip my post/blog all together. Truth is, Lester is off at work right now on another long shift at the hospital. He is a first year resident and the hours are normally long. We expected this, and I think are up to the challenge of it all-but it can be hard, even with that. It was especially so this morning as he woke up at 4:30 as usual-then nudged me awake [not as usual] to say that that there had been a shooting at the Walmart closest by his work, and his hospital had been on lockdown since the victims of the shooting were being treated at his hospital. He wanted to let me know since the suspects involved were still at large, and despite them not being caught, the hospital had opened its doors. In an unlikely event that something happened, for him or us, he wanted me to be aware of the situation. So I kissed him goodbye. And he left. And I have received a text or two. And that is it. 

And I'm tired. And sad. And scared. Because this is not a fluke thing. And life has to go on. And people make excuses, and have different opinions about why its happening, or how to solve it, and that its not guns its people. But all I see is that I'm scared to send my kids to school, and scared for my husband to go to work, and I'm scared to go shopping, or go to a parade on a holiday and so much more. Because all of those places have had those happen. Recently. And all of those are things that should be safe. But they aren't. And yet people keep defending their guns, and saying that bad people will get them anyway, and its our rights, and if these people had guns to defend themselves, this couldn't happen. In other words-fight guns with more guns. And its not working. And I don't care if you think I'm biased or emotional or not rational bc at the end of the day, I am not used to this, and I hope I NEVER will be. We're not meant to. And it isn't political, its personal and I hope after my husband works with the other doctors at the hospital taking care of people whose lives are threatened for myriad of reasons, including gun violence-something totally unavoidable- he gets to come home. 

Now-some positivity and joy this last month. It is also Lester and Isla's birthday today. His 34th. And her 8th. We knew he'd be working, so we celebrated on the one day off he gets per week, which is Sunday. We did all the things they wanted to do. We went to Seattle and got Korean Fried chicken [Isla's request] and Pho [Daddy's request]. We went berry picking, and got tons of different kinds-including black caps [which are black raspberries] and the tay Berrys [black berry raspberry cross] and the best blueberries any of us had ever eaten. They opened presents [Daddy got the most gorgeous hanging plant and macrame holder, something he's been wanting for a while] and Isla got a bunch of things [including a little Pua pig, her dream come true] and we played a family soccer game. We sang happy birthday to them over lemon bars and shortbread, which they opted for instead of a cake and it was so so good for the soul and the heart. I love them so deeply and my little family and I live for magical days like this.

We've spent the rest of the days this month getting out and exploring our new home. I will never get over how beautiful it is here. For Fourth of July I signed the kids up for the kiddie parade, and they had a free carnival with face painting, jumpy houses etc. We've done about a million farmers markets, and a few amazing museums, like the MoPop and the Imagine museum for kids. We've had hikes and beach days in forests and rocky sandy lakes. We attended a free local Pioneer Day activity that was all about the local pioneers that settled this area, and also payed homage to the indigenous people of the area. My kids loved the scavenger hunt, making yarn, cutting wood and even doing laundry the old fashioned way. We've gone to a ton of library activities, like bubble parties and sea slime days. We've enjoyed projects at home and setting up our house, and lots of good cooking, baking and eating out. 

So thats where I am at right now. We are currently just trying to get through this day feeling grateful for the lives we are sharing and living together and not take them for granted bc they are all too fragile. I love my family.