....and yet for some reason, lately I am finding lots of people, some who share my essential beliefs, some who don't, all asking the same questions. They wonder why? What's different? They are doing everything they feel they can, and yet they still aren't there-there are still heavy burdens that weigh them down and seem determined to keep them there. What more can they do to be happy now-not just in some far away, but never here future? 

This is something I've been thinking about a lot lately. So the other night when I was lucky enough to go see a movie with some friends, I was shocked to see that they had put a lot of what I feel regarding this into words. The character says, 

"There are two wolves who are always fighting. One is darkness and despair. The other is light and hope. The questions is..which wolf wins?" 

Sitting in my chair in the dark theater, I tried to figure out this little riddle quickly-but before I got there, the girl answers. She said..

"The one you feed."

I am not one for deep thoughts and I certainly like to stay away from feelings if at all possible haha. But I felt in that moment the truth of that statement. In my recollection, there has only ever been one time in my life that I struggled hard with myself and my self esteem-it was when I was in the throes of post part depression. Whether I meant to or not, I felt the downward spiral as I fed the wolf the worst part of myself, comparing who I was and what I had to others, taking my stress and pain out on those around me, and thinking about all that could go wrong-and I only made it worse. When I finally realized what was happening, and where I was headed, I started to actively do the opposite. And although it took time and lots of help and consistency, it worked. I was able to find a way out of it, and to start to feed the light and hope, and I became a happier, more whole person-one that I was happy with, and one that other people wanted to be around.

The fact is everyone struggles. In my life right now, things are pretty great. But there are still hard days I have, people I get frustrated with, problems I can't solve and things that I just don't understand. This is a part of everyones life, including mine. I wonder sometimes if because I keep rolling, if people think I don't feel this way, or I don't feel things-but I do. I have days where I feel overwhelmed or offended or hurt-days where I feel sad or upset, or mad at the world at large. But I recognize those feelings when they come now-and I can identify that the source of those feelings is not productive or helpful, but rather one that would do me, and everyone around me, harm. From the moment I see this, I try to do everything I can to focus on something positive and uplifting. Sure, sometimes I fall short-but for the most part I would say it works, and a majority of my life is filled with days where I look around and feel entirely happy and wonderfully, wholly content with my life and who I am right now. I am happy, and that is a gift that I will have to work on earning every day of my life to keep.

Gordon B. Hinckley said "We are creatures of our own thinking. We can think ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory...Don't partake in the spirit of our times. Look for the good and build upon it. Don't be a pickle sucker..."

He also says:

“Generally speaking, the most miserable people I know are those who are obsessed with themselves; the happiest people I know are those who lose themselves in the service of others...By and large, I have come to see that if we complain about life, it is because we are thinking only of ourselves.”

I think its easier to compare ourselves down, and to focus on the negative-its easier to go downstairs then up. But its better for our bodies a
nd our hearts to go upstairs, and think positively, and look for the good. Being happy is imagining all of the good and wonderful things that could be coming-and thinking about all the things you'll learn and the stronger person you'll become from the trials that come too. Its thinking about all the wonderful things you do have, and not the ones you don't. Its taking time to look at all the wonderful people in your life, and how great they are and how much you  get to learn from them, and all they can learn from you as well. Its putting others first and appreciating the moments when you see how happy you've made them, and how happy they are to serve others in turn. Happiness is not something you find or stumble upon-its something you work at, something you earn, and something you share.

Its like Anne says-"I am happy Dianna-and nothing is gonna hold me back." Your whole life, things will try to do just that-hold you back where you can be perfectly miserable-or you can starve that force till it dies, while you feed and nourish the light and hope till it blossoms into everything you wanted and more.