Many of the friends and family who read this blog have heard about my thoughts on this, but I feel that on this day of all days [our 6 yr wedding anniversary] I should record this for when my kids can understand it or when I don't have words at my disposal to convey what I feel for their Dad.

When asked to create an art piece that repressed their experience or feelings about 'love' a group of designers churned out a number of different results. A majority of them went with the more obvious expected colors you would think of when it comes to love-your typical deep reds and rosy pinks. A few of them who had less positive experiences produced designs that were darker, with greys, blacks, dark purples, deep blues. Although it was all the same topic, every person made something completely different, because love is unique and specific to each person, and each story.

In thinking about what kind of a piece I would put out if I were participating in this challenge, I ended up landing firmly on a gradient of colors. As most everyone in the world knows, Lester and I met at the ripe old age of 14 at a church activity that included a dance. The seeds of our friendship were planted there, and slowly but surely budded, blossomed and flourished into where we are now.

I have so many beautiful memories of those days-days full of flirty new pale pinks that eventually changed into richer, bubblegum then magenta hues. As time went on and our feelings grew stronger, so did the colors-light reds and a lot of 'firsts'. First hand holding, first kisses and the bright, violent, intense red that comes with not only new love and infatuation, but also high school hormones and all that fun haha.




And as we grew, and it turned into more then just 'first love' but more like 'REAL love'-the kind that could last-the colors turned deeper and more serious. Then came his mission, and the occasional letters which brought us back to yellows somehow. Like in the days when he used to always buy me yellow roses, when we were kids, bc even though they meant friendship, that is where we started out and something we always wanted to maintain, regardless of our relationship status.
I have so many memories of perfectly bright, beautiful oranges, being newly engaged and blissfully happy. Days of yellow sunshine, orange sunsets and sepia toned perfection as we entered adulthood and marriage, and a life of our own creation together. Colors that never seem to fade, but remain pristinely bright, bold, optimistic, happy, maybe even innocent and a little naive, just like we were then.

The thing is, I think maybe people have the misconception that this is what love should be or look like at all times. Bright, intense and bold-never fading or changing forever. Always reds, pinks, oranges and yellows. But they miss out on SO much when they limit themselves to that. Because with marriage, and the unflinching solidity of time, things are guaranteed to change. And if you expect it to stay the same forever, you will be disappointed....but if you embrace it, prepare for it and accept it with open arms there is a whole new spectrum of beautiful colors and experiences in love that you could never have fathomed before.

Lester and I live in a world now of forest greens, light and dark blues, pastel and plum purples, even light grays. And it is perfection. There is a consistency, a comfort and an all encompassing peace that comes with time in love-one that permeates everything you do and say, and the way you live. It is like the deep breath after a long, long day-the exhale that blows out all the insecurities or heavy things that can build inside you. It blends into the two of you, and a life well lived and a security in yourself and your loved one.

People look their whole lives for the reds, pinks and yellow orange excitement in love. And while I wouldn't trade those experiences and colors Lester and I have had, I would never go back and potentially miss the perfect peace, safety and contentment I have now in my blues, purples, greens and greys.

Honestly, 6 years is not a long time. But I am to the point where I struggle to see where he ends, and I begin, because he is a part of me, and I of him. I love the gradient of colors and of life and love we have. Here's to all the beautiful colors to come. Happy 6th anniversary Pester. I love you.

A week or two ago my friend Lisa married her sweet heart Grant. Having known her since elementary school, and our days as munchkins and good witches, it was a pretty fun, special experience for me to be there with my own munchkins. The love the two have for each other was tangible and permeated the entire event, as did their love for everyone there. It was evident in everything, all the way down to the places settings for the 4 of us, complete with high chairs, a special menu and individual treats for the girls to play with throughout the wedding. Both Lisa and Grant practically glowed with excitement for this next step they are making together, and their joy was contagious. It was fun dancing the night away in beautiful Napa with so many loved ones, and it was a memory I'll cherish for years to come, as will they I am sure.

In exchanging vows, Lisa said something that has stuck with me ever since. In talking about the commitment they were making, she said she sees these 'not just as promises, but as privileges.' I think often in life, almost everyone can occasionally get caught up in the responsibilities and the weight that come with the promises we make, be it in marriage, with kids, jobs or what have you. But if we think of it in the way she put it-as privileges-it gives us greater perspective. It helps us remember why we made these promises in the first place-and feel how lucky we are to be a part of them, and on the receiving end of the beautiful things that come as a result, even if they take some work.





I couldn't help but think of that tonight with my eldest daughter. She is the kind of personality that is fairly easy going, and self sufficient. She is affectionate and sweet, but is also usually fine figuring things out herself if necessary and at being independent-especially as her sweet younger sister can tend to be more attached, and likes to stay close to me most of the time. But lately, as Isla has ventured out, Addy has seemed to be in need of a bit more attention, which is funny, as I was literally telling Lester the other day that I thought I needed to take her out, just the two of us; not because anything had happened, but just bc we haven't done so in a while.

Then today, she confirmed this need when I came home from a long appointment with my Grandma to a teary eyed, emotional girl who said she just needed 'some time with Mommy.' The thing is, life can't and won't just stop and things still need to get done. So I told her I took her aside, cuddled her, and told her I am so excited to take her out soon, but for now she could help me make dinner if she wanted-and this absolutely made her night.  It was such a simple thing. But the whole time I helped her grate carrots, measure out the rice and stir sauces she kept profusely thanking me, and telling me I was 'the best Mommy EVER.'

And of course, I'm tempted to feel bad at how easily pleased she is and like maybe I need to do more. But then I realize that maybe that is just part of the responsibility aspect-and that even if its a lot of work and I always want to do more, we do actually do a lot of fun things that are for good for her-and that maybe even simple, boring moments like this can be still be special. Especially bc I remember them being special with my Mom. I remember the special trips and activities too, but I also remember how special it was to be able to bake with Mom. Its things like this that make me feel so, SO lucky to be part of the promise that makes me her Mom and confidant. It is a hard earned promise at times, but truly a privilege above all others.




If I spend the rest of my life fulfilling my personal role [bc I know its different for everyone] as a caregiver-to her and her siblings, my husband, my parents, my friends, and all those I come in contact with-making people feel safe, loved, valued and included-I will consider this a life well lived and a mission very well accomplished. Because Lisa is right-these truly ARE privileges -not just promises.

Congrats to the newlyweds-love you both, and am excited for all the years of wonderful exciting things ahead!