Lester FINALLY got a schedule change HOORAY! This means that until it changes again [which could be any time] he has weekends off! So, today since he was home with us, we took her downtown to our favorite little park. Although she can't do much there yet, she LOVES watching the other kids and when I take her with me on the slides and what not. Afterwards, we had an early dinner at Lester's favorite buffet, and grabbed some stuff at Walmart. It was a fun little trip and we all thoroughly enjoyed it! I live for fun moments like this.



I'm thinking about titles right now. For example, I know that growing up people would sometimes refer to me as one of the 'Hanaike girls'. I know some of my younger siblings have been referred to as 'Julia's sister' when coming into classes where I had the teacher before them. In life I think there are a lot of titles, but typically, people want to be called by their own name or known for their own merits. I know at some point or another I did.

But tonight I was thinking that from now on, my title is Mom. That there is a good chance Addy's friends, teachers, or co workers may not know my actual individual name. They won't know that I love to cook, that I am a night owl, that I love to read or that I love sweaters and virgin pina coladas. They will just know me as 'Addy's Mom.'

And you know what? I don't mind this one bit. This is the title I was made for, the one that I will wear proudly and always cherish. Being Mom is hard-I only have one baby now, and there are still moments where its difficult to be sick or in a million places at once, while still trying to meet every ones needs. But there is nothing I'd rather be called in the whole world then Mom.

Being Mom means that you are needed-that you are important-that you are loved unconditionally, even if the people who love you don't know it or recognize it. Being a Mom means feeling like you want to give your children the whole world, and to understand that their successes are just as important, if not more important then your own. It means finding the greatest joy outside of yourself and in those you dedicate your life to. It means often coming last, working hard, doing your best, sacrificing your time and interests, wiping snot and baby bottoms and trying to keep it together when being screamed and cried at. It also means the greatest, most indescribable happiness and fulfillment you can possibly get. How is that possible? How can I describe that? I wish I could find the words but I can't. All I know is that I love being a Mom and it is the best choice we ever made. I'm so grateful to have such a wonderful example in my own Mother, and I understand and appreciate her so much more then I ever have now. I am also so grateful to Lester for being the one to make me a Mom, and for being 100% invested and in love with his role as a Father as I am. I'm grateful to him for seeing the Mother in me even when I couldn't. In high school, after we'd been dating for a while, I asked him what made him fall in love with me. He said lots of things, but the main thing was he thought what a great Mother I'd be. As a teenage girl, this was the last thing I wanted to hear-but as and adult women and now actual Mother, I know that this was the ultimate compliment-that he saw the absolute best in me, because at times, this is what it takes to be a Mother. I'm grateful to Addy for being mine-my girl. For smiling when she sees me, laughing when I kiss her to much, being patient with me as I figure it all out, and loving me no matter what I look like and for the millions of ways she makes me laugh and smile. I'm grateful to God for knowing we needed her specifically, for letting her be ours. Again, I'm so lucky to have the support systems I have and I can't say enough times how much I love love love being a Mom.

I'm writing this because I just put Addy down because my arms were aching from holding her, but I still didn't want to walk away. I'm writing this because I can't sleep since I'm not tired yet and this is the first time I'm having 'me' time all day. I'm writing this because tomorrow morning when she is wide awake, or hungry or poopy and I am tired or needing a bathroom break, there is a good chance I might forget for a second. I'm writing this because right now life is hard, but this part of my life-this part is perfect. I need to remember and cherish these perfect feelings and memories, and always remember how much I love being this girls Momma. I'm writing this because I need everyone out there who reads this to know how much I truly, deeply love being a Mom. I'm writing this so someday when I am gone, forever away from now hopefully, Addy can read this and know without a doubt that her Mom loved being hers more then anything and that she is what kept them going in hard times. I am writing this so when Addy gets the chance to be somebody's Momma and she feels discouraged, she will hold out and write this message to her own baby. I love love love being a Mom.







For a while, being sick prevented us from getting much interaction with-well-anyone outside of Skype haha. But for once, we are all on the up and up so we have gotten back into hanging out with some friends. I am particularly excited about this for Addy's sake-she has gotten to the phase where she has started to be a tad bit clingy. Over all, she is still pretty friendly, but I want to make sure she is used to other ppl for the blessed day when we someday make it home again.

We are lucky that the few friend we have bring their cute kids sometimes. The two she interacts with the most are a sweet baby girl a few weeks younger then her, and a cute boy who is almost a year [we call him her boyfriend]. While they don't do much, Addy likes to talk with the girl and smile and just watch the boy. Haha-anyways we think its fun for her, and fun for us to interact with other ppl. So thats been good. Anywho, thats just a short update on whats been going on with us!



[she will fall asleep in our arms when we have friends over, but if we put her down in the other room she gets upset that she's missing all the action and cries.] 
Well, by some miracle, Lester Pester Poo was off for Valentines Day! I'm still recovering from a cold though, so we tried to balance having fun with taking it fairly easy. It still ended up being pretty momentous though since it was the first time we ever left Addy with a babysitter [our friends from our ward.] It felt so weird leaving a place without her-like a part of my body was missing. But I think it was really good for us, and for her. I want her to get used to being around alot of people, so she can develop good social skills and what not. I also know that as much as I wish she would never leave and stay ours forever, someday she will grow up and leave us-so I want to make sure Lester and I are always laughing, learning and dating each other; lets face it, we will be the ones who stick around for each other when we're old and wrinkly. So ultimately it was a good thing all around.

But, I digress! After dropping Addy off, Lester and I headed over to the Oklahoma City LDS temple. It was my first time going for six months [pregnancy kind of takes away the ability to sit for long periods of time without having to go pee!] and it was good. I loved feeling the peace of mind and heart that only the temple can bring.

After picking our sweet girl up, we came home and took some naps, and then headed out to Bricktown for the best dinner we've had since we came to Oklahoma. It was Cajun and the restaurant was full of atmosphere and DELICIOUS food. I felt inspired to learn how to cook that kind of food!

Anyways, it was a fun simple day and we loved it. We're going to watch the classic Ten Things I Hate About You now, and cuddle. It may not be as crazy as last year [see this post], but it was SO needed and wonderful. We'll see where we end up next year on this day!

Before, Addy seemed confused by her baths. She didn't particularly dislike them, but she didn't love them either. Now, she is all smiles. Even when we walk into the bathroom she starts getting excited! We definitely have a swimmer on our hands-between the baths, showers and beach visit she is going to want to be a little mermaid. We're ok with it!


Boy. When it rains, it pours. Lester has the flu now. I feel kinda like we're in the never ending stream of curve balls. Once one trial ends, another one comes whizzing at us and we are forced to say, 'OK how do we handle this one?' I'm just having a hard time wrapping my head around taking care of Addy 24/7 and Lester 24/7, all while keeping them completely separate. She just got over bronchitis, so I would really love it if she could dodge this. I just keep thinking to myself 'how am I gonna do this?'

My Dad made a good point though when I called him [he does that every once in a while]. Of course, after trying to call Mom without success, he answered and was teasing me. But then he reminded me of the time when my Mom ruptured her Achilles tendon. I remember that from a young kids perspective-that is when I had to learn to do laundry myself and make food myself. I never thought about how it was from my parents vantage point.

Of course, it was hard enough for my Mom. But I never though about how my Dad had to work long days on top of trying to juggle the four of us [at the time], with different pick-ups, personalities and needs. Every time he started to think 'how am I gonna do this?' he would start to get overwhelmed, but that didn't change the fact that he still had to do it. So he decided to stop thinking about HOW he was going to make it happen, and just did it. I think maybe that's what I need to do in this situation-stop thinking and questioning the how, and just buckle down and make it happen. Just do it. Maybe the person who made the Nike slogan wasn't necessarily an athlete-maybe it was an incredibly busy, impossibly overwhelmed Mom.


I hope everything is going better for you guys out there-wish us luck. Here goes nothing!
By now, I've picked up a few tricks as to what works with Addy and what doesn't. One of the most effective tricks to calming her down is taking her to look in the bathroom mirror. She loves it. She is already pretty generous with her smiles, but she seems to reserve the biggest, best ones for herself. I don't know if she has connected the fact that what she is looking at is her, or if she is just practicing her cuteness, but it works without fail almost every time. I got a few of them on camera, but they don't do justice to how big or how awesome they are.




Also, I've been told multiple times that when I was a baby, I drooled so much they called me 'droolia.' Nice, right? Addy sure thinks so! She is following in my footsteps by drooling what seems like an insane amount. She also looks adorable in hats, as seen below.


Another thing we've loved is watching Addy figure out how to work her face. Her smiles have grown increasingly big and increasingly frequent. But today, for the first time she officially laughed. A big, husky, I can't help myself, beautiful full hearted laugh. I had been tickling her, and she just let it out. I wish so badly Lester had been able to be here. He is off working so hard for all of us. I am just glad he gets to be here as she continues to figure all these basic, wonderful things out and that I get to share eternity with him. These two are my best friends.


Our girl is also very focused. Whether it is on toys, the people or nature around her, or whatever, she concentrates on what she is doing. We have to be careful of this when the TV is on, because if we let her, she will focus on that too haha. Everyone who meets her [including the Doctor] notices how impressive she is in this, and how advanced she seems for her age with rolling over, grasping things, and sitting for a few seconds unassisted.


She is also very cuddly. She has been this way since she was born, and this is one of my favorite things about her. There are times where she wants to be independent, or stretch out and do her own thing, but for the most part, she will curl up in our arms and to sleep or just hang out. She likes to do Eskimo kisses and nuzzle her nose into our chests and hold our fingers with her hands. She smiles and loves to be kissed, and makes a game out of it by turning her head so we can get both sides.


She will try to get our attention at times by cooing and staring, but then the second we reciprocate and try to make eye contact with her, she avoids looking at us at all costs. She acts aloof and like she doesn't care. She is such a little diva.

Her hair is growing really well on the back of her head, but hasn't made any progress whatsoever on the top. We like to tease her and say for now, she has her Lolo's hair and her Grandpa's gas haha. She loves skyping with her family, and when she sees the computer, she will start talking like crazy, even if it is not on. I think she thinks its only for communication purposes, but we love how excited she gets about the prospect of seeing them. She especially loves other kids. We are going to have a social butterfly on our hands.

She loves baths and water in general. Whether its a quick shower with her parents, or a leisurely night time bath, visiting the ocean or just watching the water run while Mom does dishes, she loves it. She kicks in the tub when she gets excited and often causes big splashes already. We can't wait till she gets old enough for swimming lessons. 

All around, she is a joy and can't say enough about the light she brings to our lives. We will forever look back on this time in her life and be so glad we got to be such a big part of it. 
Well, it turns out everything went much smoother then anticipated. We got to the hospital at 8:00 in the midst of a tornado watch [darkest clouds I've ever seen, but it didn't turn into a tornado which is great]. After waiting for a while, they admitted us into radiology and said only one parent at a time could come in [ridiculous!]. So I went in there with her. I was already trying not to cry, when he said they wouldn't be sedating so I would have to help hold her down. I told them to hang on, because me and Lester were going to switch. There was no way I was going to be able to do that. He went in, and I held it together until I heard her screaming and crying from the waiting room. Of course, then I cried too. About 45 minutes later, my two came out in great moods. Turns the reason they didn't have to sedate her is because they had an alternative, way easier way of doing it. The put something called contrast in a bottle and had her drink it, then cat scanned her tummy which high lighted what they needed to see. So in the end, there was no scary sedation and no scary scope. We still have no idea why the doctor told us it would be that way.

Anyways, we have a follow up appointment on Tuesday to get the results, but were feeling pretty optimistic. As much as I don't want it to, the formula/breastfeeding seems to be working. We will see. Again, we thank you all from the bottom of our hearts for all the love, concern and support you've all given us. It has meant the world.

PS: Addy has this funny habit of fake sleeping at times. A day or two after the appointment she has been extra sleepy. You can usually tell which it is by her face. Below she is really sleeping.


And here, she is half sleeping/fake sleeping. I would look over at her and she'd be peeking, then see me looking at her and close her eyes really quick. So funny. 

We went to the zoo again today. It was fun. Now were home just cuddling and hanging out, trying not to think about tomorrow. Were supposed to get to the appointment at 8:00, and we can't feed her at all past 6:30 AM in preparation. I'm sure everything will be fine-I just feel bad that we have to do this at all. At least Lester has the next three days off. Oh well. Here goes nothing I guess..


[this is a red panda-so cute!]




[check out the ears on the above animal-crazy!]
[she really does make the best faces!]
My baby is currently sleeping. I can't stop looking at her. She is so beautiful. It has been an interesting week-as I stare at her, I can't help but wonder what its been like for her. What goes through her mind, how she sees this world she's so recently come into. I know I've talked multiple times about how its so difficult-but two things happened this week that had me wishing there were parts of her life I could just freeze and hold forever. Pictures and this journal is going to be as close as I get to that.

It all started with a cough. For weeks Lester had been coughing. Of course, we all tried to avoid catching it, but when you live with someone its kind of impossible to do that. Of course, our poor baby girl ended up getting sick next. She was so incredibly congested, with a barking cough that racked her poor little three month old body. She handled it better then i ever could have ever imagined. Even amidst her difficulties, she smiled and cooed-she was the trooper that I never was in sickness. 

We took her to the Doctor when her coughing started getting in the way of her breathing. He said she had bronchitis and so her prescribed Albuteral, and gave us a nebulizer for it. He wanted us to come back in a week.. So, after dealing with lots of the humidifier, saline solution and pain she got over it and by the next week she was doing much better. In order to get everything in the clear, we asked her about he excessive spitting up mucus and runny/liquid poop. They thought we should check her weight-turned out that in the last month she had completely plateaued. She hasn't gain any weight, and if anything she's lost a few ounces. I breastfeed, so its normal for her to be on the slim side. In the end, they think it could be acid reflux or were wondering if its thyroid related [that runs in my family]. 

Ultimately, they want her to undergo 'a procedure' on Tuesday where they will sedate her and put scope/camera down her throat to see if they can find anything out. Its at the hospital where we had her. I know its minor, but the thought of this breaks my heart. I asked them if we could postpone it and try a few other things, but they were pretty insistent. We are going to pray about it and see if she's gained any weight [im supplementing with formula now] and then decide, but we think we may end up doing it. My heart is BREAKING-every time we cuddle and she smiles up at me I feel like I'm betraying her. But I want to find out whats going on-it is my job to keep her safe because I love her with all of me. I am still nervous about it. Please keep us in your prayers. 

The other thing that happened is silly, but life altering for me. As I said, I breastfeed. In trying to help her gain some weight, I've been pumping and mixing it with some formula. When I started doing this, my Mom warned that she may get more used to the bottle nipple and not want to breastfeed. I told her if that happened that's that, and I could handle it. She said to call me if I needed to cry, and she would cry with me-apparently that happened with me and her when I was Addy's age. I kind of didn't think that would really happen, but as usual, Mom was right. Addy started to just want the bottle. I didn't think I liked breastfeeding. But boy was I wrong. I love feeling like i can give her everything she needs. I love that it is free. I love that it is healthy for her and me. I love that time that me and her have to be close and cuddle and communicate without words. I even love the late night feedings where it is just me and her in the world and everything else is still. Just the two of us, in this together. I love feeling so important to her. And now, she is growing up and not needing or wanting me-already! I expected this as a teen but not so soon! After calling my Mom sobbing, she calmed me down and reminded me that even as a teen, the two of us have always been close. I still need my Mom-and Addy will still always need and love me. She will also be independent and want to do things herself or her way-but this is part of her growing up and it will be happening forever and so I better get used to it. Plus, I know so many incredible Moms who bottle feed and they are just as close to there babies as anyone.

Anyways, like I said, its been a interesting week. She is still breastfeeding here and there, and when we weigh her tomorrow we will see if it works. If it does, we will cancel the procedure and keep having feeding her this way. She may become a bottle baby. And that will be fine. If she hasn't gained weight, then we will do the procedure and stop using the bottle, and she will keep being a breastfed baby. Pros and cons to both. I guess only time will tell. 


Today, Ms. Adelaide turned 3 months old. Since day one, she has changed our lives for the better and it is a joy to watch her learn and grow. From the day we brought her home, she was already working on holding her head up-this girl waits for no one. Now, she holds her head and back up and is rolling over and crawling without realizing it [thank goodness!]. She slowly started to reach and grasp for things [other then our fingers, she already has a good grip on those!] and she is a non stop talker. She is absolutely FULL of smiles, and she gives them out often. She has great eye contact and focus and we are simply bursting with pride.

We went to back to Pops for soda to enjoy Lester being home and Addy getting older. As usual, she couldn't stop looking around at all the colors and fun going on around her. Again, she is a joy and we are so happy and blessed to be able to call her our daughter. We love you sweet Addy girl!

[Addy playing with the toys her Grandma & Grandpa Hanaike gave her..we practice her grasp, and her back support]


[these next two are just fun for before and afters]





 [new favorite picture ever haha!]


[back at home for her three month photo shoot..she is quite the little model!]

 

In reading my friends blog the other day, she referenced Ecclesiastics 3:1-8 which says this:

To every thing there is a season, 
and a time to every purpose under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted
A time to kill, and a time to heal
A time to break down, and a time to build up
A time to weep, and a time to laugh
A time to mourn, a time to dance
A time to cast away stone, and time to gather stone together
A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing
A time to get, and a time to lose.
A time to keep, and a time to cast away
A time to rend, and a time to sew
A time to silence, and a time to speak
A time to love, and a time to hate
A time of war, and a time of peace. 

This struck me. I think I've asked myself multiple times why am I here in this situation? There must be a reason-a purpose to these experiences here. This scripture reminded me that there is a purpose and reason to this season of my life. For the past few years, it has been time to dance, laugh, gain, love and enjoy peace. But maybe now is the opposite end of that. A time to plant seeds of growth-a time to break down [maybe even often] so that I can someday be built up better. A time to heal from a changed body and changed heart. A time to be silence and learn to be happy by myself. And of course, a time to weep as I let go. And you know what? That doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing...it can lead me to get re-acquainted with myself and who I am now, and to say farewell to the person I used to be, with all her fun but also huge imperfections. I am not the same person I was, and so it is time to let go of that girl and that time and accept/get to know this one. Lester & Addy don't need that girl any more, and despite what I sometimes think, I don't need her either. What we need is exactly me.

It is my time to be Addy's Mom, to love her and be her everything. Time to enjoy her smiles, her cries, her silly noises and rocking her to sleep. The same girl who referenced this scripture in her blog also referenced this poem her Mom has in her room. It says:

Quiet down cobwebs,
Dust go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby,
and babies don't keep.

This time won't last. In all its difficulties and all beautiful moments, this to shall pass. Both the hard ones and the sweet baby filled ones. This time is important and I have to try everything I can to live in it and appreciate it. And I am sure I shall be better for it.




My sweet Addy girl is sick. She has a barking cough, is very congested and her eyes were swollen. We took her to the doctor and they said she has bronchilitis. They prescribed her some eye drops and albuteral and even gave her a nebulizer to administer it [as seen off to the side.] We also have saline solution and a humidifier to help her out. Ultimately, they say even though this is no fun, she will be fine. But still-my Momma heart is breaking for her. Even though I know we're doing everything we can, I still feel like I can't do enough! She is just such a good girl, and even with all this she still smiles and tries to talk to us all the time. She doesn't even cry more then usual. How did I get blessed with such a sweet girl?

Anywho, again, its not life threatening or anything like that, but keep her in your prayers I guess. She is the best thing that ever happened to us and I want her to feel better as soon as possible.
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The Pineda Family

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