The thing about life is its not separated out into one section or the other. We don't have all our Jonah days in one lifetime and all our Mary Poppins days in another. We don't get to experience all our in between, run of the mill parts in one stretch. I suppose it is better this way...rather then being left with one beige and boring blanket, it makes for as Jethro says, a better tapestry with many different colored strands woven in. In thinking about these things I have decided that this is the kind of record I want to leave. One full of life-one full of lessons I've learned, the fulfillment and joys I have experienced and the days of hard times and to what source I turn in these moments.

With this in mind, I'd like to write about the here and now of our life. I have written lately about some of the fun things we've been doing, and about the ways our sweet girls are growing. And we have some truly wonderful things coming up, like a Disneyland trip, camping, and more holidays and fun. But at this moment, I'd like to write about the work that is going into it. 

Sometimes, in my irrational moments I feel like the sacrifices we are making won't pay off until too much time has past. Lester is working doing [over] full time work, full time school, serving in our church ward, etc etc.. He has an eye towards his goals and is constantly thinking about providing for us, and making us happy. But I know it is a heavy weight to bear, and that while he tries to not complain he is often weary. I hesitate to complain for I don't want to seem ungrateful, but I know that sometimes he feels like he is missing out on a lot of the important things [the cliche things you see in movies, of missing out on life events or putting the girls to bed] all because he DOESN'T want us to have to miss out on anything later. It is a little ironic in that way. For me, its hard in that I often feel like a single parent. I think about all the years that we spent dreaming about when we'd get to spend every night together-and for the past few years I've gotten so used to him being by my side snoring that now that he's gone so often I can't sleep as well [which I suppose is fine since I have to wake up with the baby]. Being a Mom is already full time, but when Lester is here and not needing to focus on school or work, he loves to be involved-every second even the hum drum stuff. But unfortunately, that happens rarely right now. Sometimes, I would love to just take a nap or have a moment where not a single person at all needs something from me. Just a moment-not even an extended period of time-just the opportunity to go to the bathroom without an audience or anyone crying bc they feel like they've been betrayed since I'm in there myself I guess. I'm just a little tired and I just miss him. Honestly though, theres is no one else I would want here doing these things instead of me-I just wish he was able to be here more so he would get the chance to hear how excited they are when they build a block tower or start crawling or when they ask for him. Which they do-daily.

So this is the hard part of it all-BUT. Now for the source to which I can turn to. Unlike my irrational moments mentioned above, I know that this will be worth it. I know that even though it is hard, I can do hard things and they will only make us closer and make us better-they already have. I know that when we prayed and researched individually and collectively about which path to take, this was the right one. I know that if it was right then, it is right now. I know that in a temporal sense, things are better for us financially because of his work, and that we are expanding our horizons in the things we discuss, the places we go, the friends we meet, the lessons we enroll them in and so much more. I know that if Lester were here and available more we probably wouldn't be doing a lot of these things, and I also know that it makes the times we do have together all the more precious. We are more grateful for them and they are more cherished. I also know that it is forcing us to be better in the habits we make-be it with eating healthy breakfasts or scripture study, etc we actually have to schedule these things so it is more organized and thus we are happier and healthier in that respect. 

I also know that having both of our families here to spend so much of our time with is a wonderful blessing-for me, for Lester and of course, for my kids. I love the relationship we are all cultivating and I love watching my kids grow closer to everyone daily, especially since this won't last forever. You truly take the good with the bad-I know someday when we are not living her we will have more time with Lester which will be amazing, but we will also miss the chance we have now to spend time with our extended families.

So right now, as I hold these three very different strands in my hand, I am going to do everything I can to try to appreciate them and remember that they will make for a better tapestry of my life. I look forward to someday looking back yet again on this part of our life and feeling glad we sacrificed all that we did. I am sure those days will come with their own triumphs and challenges as well-and then we will be see the fruits of our current labors in front of us to help us through those moments.