I've talked at length over the years about what a beautiful, but also confusing position a person of interracial background is in. Never fully belonging to any one thing, but also wanting to feel connected to all parts of oneself. Identity can at times feel elusive. Is it based on how we present outwardly/the way we look? Or the way our personality reflects? Or is it environmental, based on where and how we grew up? Is it possible to belong to ALL the parts of your heritage, regardless of the people who CLEARLY belong in each category tell you? Is identity based on ME and how I feel about myself, or on others perception of me? Or is it all blood?
These are questions that I know I, and many other hapa's ask themselves. Even me and my siblings, who grew up in the same home with the same parents had wildly different experiences bc we looked and were so different-and it was strange for all of us.
Fast forward to these last few years. Lots of exploration on these issues-and then, another opportunity to continue to answer these questions presented itself. My oldest daughter and niece both got accepted into the Ho'omaka'ika'i Explorations program at Kamehamea school in Oahu. It is a week long summer camp which aims to 'engages students in hands-on learning activities focused on cultural values and practices to develop Hawaiian identity and leadership.' Students with Hawaiian ancestory [that has to be verified etc] are given preference in an effort to reclaim and revive the traditions that were starting to wain over years of colonization and to prevents further losses to the culture.
Audrey was given the week before Addy, and we knew they would both be staying at the dorms. So, with my Lester and my FIL here to watch the kids, Addy and I got the amazing chance to learn all about who we are and where we came from.
Friday
We flew out of Seattle and the crack of dawn, and met my parents on our connecting flight from Oakland to Honolulu. After a long flight we landed in paradise! From here, we went straight to the campus to watch Audrey in her end of week performance. She, along with all the other keiki beamed. They sang songs, did chants, played the instruments they had created, and we learned about their week. It was just what Addy needed to be excited for her turn!
After grabbing lunch with our girls, Hillary and I grabbed their stuff and met up with my parents at our hotel in Waikiki. We checked in, grabbed a quick dinner from the ABC store, and the four of us walked down to the pool for some swimming and fireworks. Literally an out of body experience-felt unreal being right underneath the sky of stars and fireworks, swimming next to the sand and hotel. After the show was over and it got a little less crowded, we walked steps over to the beach and swam in the warm ocean waves. I'll never forget it. Once we got back to our room, we let the girls talk for hours until we all crashed for our first night.
We started our last full day together by going to Leonard's for malasadas [all the food lived up to the hype this trip], and then getting on the road to the North Shore. One our way there, we saw that the Dole Pineapple Plantation was just opening, so we detoured and grabbed some Dole Whip and took a train ride through the fields. It was amazing! As we made our way further, we stopped at Turtle Beach and were amazed by the big, gentle giants they were. The girls explored some with Grandpa and we enjoyed the warm water and sights. From here we went to our main attraction for the day and did the Polynesian Cultural Center, a favorite of my parents. It was divided into multiple 'islands' and the attention to respectful education and activities was awesome. We love the shows, inter active exhibits, delicious food and so much more. We did the giant buffet at the end, which was the stuff of dreams, before finishing the night with their show. Then headed back to Waikiki for more night time beach swimming and letting the girls stay up as late as they wanted.
The next morning, we said a tearful goodbye to Hillary and Audrey while my parents stopped at church, and Addy and I packed her up again to drop her off at school for the week. We grabbed a plate lunch and stopped by the swap meet real quick before heading over to her stop. It was surreal dropping my first baby off. I think we were both pretty freaked out, but trying to be excited for the other. After she walked past through the barrier, I felt naked walking back to the car kidless haha. From here, for the first time since I was a baby, it was just my parents and I! We headed back over to the North Shore to check into our new little condo for the week. After exploring the area, and checking out the beach by our new place, we spent the night getting settled and playing cards.
Monday
We were busy the rest of the week with fun things! We kept our early morning schedule and headed over to Waiamea Falls. Another surreal experience, hiking in what felt like sacred land and getting to swim in the water fall. From here, we hit the road and stopped to get some garlic shrimp from a truck my Dad had been raving about. So good! Then we headed back to the PCC to finish off the areas we hadn't had enough time in. From here, we stopped at Foodland for groceries then finished the day the same way-with a beach stop and cards and Law and Order [reminded me of both my Grandma's!]
Tuesday
The next day we visited w Honey girl at 7 Eleven [their food stock was bomb and it was fun to see her and my parents living up the past!] and then checked out Hala'iwa and got Matsumoto Shave Ice. From here, we went to the most amazing beach that was perfect for snorkeling and swimming. We spent a few hours just chilling here, swimming in the ocean, then finished our day over at Kualoa Ranch. This is where they filmed iconic movies like Jurassic Park, the show Lost, King Kong and tons more. We did the bus tour where they took us throughout the ranch, to appreciate its history and beauty. It is such a strange world that we can come from places like CA, ID, and WA and thens see nature completely unlike what we've experienced. I was moved by it all. We've been having a Jurassic Park marathon at home ever since and it's been fun.
Wed
On Wednesday morning, we started the day at the Swap Meet and spent hours there getting all the shopping done we could possibly want. I was overwhelmed by the good prices and all the options! Definitely a must do. Then we headed over to The Bishop Museum to further learn about and get in touch with our roots. All of it was special to me, but I especially loved the story about Bernice Bishop and her husband. They are actually the ones who created the original endowment for Kamehamea school, where Addy was that week. They have done more for the Hawaiian people and preserving its culture then most do in a lifetime, let alone generations-and yet despite oppositions to there interracial marriage, they did it anyway a left such a legacy. I was so touched by this, and felt more connected then ever. From here we explored Iolani palace, which was where Queen Liliuokalani spent so much of her time and imprisonment-it was crazy walking the same steps where our royal ancestors walked as well. We happened to see Addy there as well and she looked equal parts happy to see us and also a tiny bit embarrassed haha. But more importantly, she looked happy and like she belonged. So that was good for my Mama heart. We headed back to our place for the night after another short beach stop, and had another fun, chill night.
Thurs
The next morning we visited Pearl Harbor. We took the SS Arizona over to the memorial and once again, it was sacred and quiet seeing the remnants of those who sacrificed, and of our complicated past. We took our time her learning and paying tribute before heading back towards the North Shore for food. We grabbed lunch [Da Bald Guys had a furikake salmon I will be dreaming about for years to come] and did some exploring in this area before resting and the condo, then getting over to Turtle Beach for a few hours of swimming and relaxation. After dinner and sunset, we had an early night packing up and getting ready to pick up Addy the next day and switch for our last night in Hawaii.
Friday
I got up early this day and walked over to the beach to spend an hour to myself before this last day. I have spent my whole life fortunate enough to learn all about my heritage from my Mom's side-stories, museums, lessons etc. But this was one of the first times I felt that call, and that identity solidified for this part of myself from within. I was sitting. On my ancestral homeland. And those reverberations shook me, and I was able to breathe it in, and I needed that. It was an answer I was seeking, and I am so grateful I got to commune with them in this place.
After walking back and getting all set in the car, we stopped again at Da Bald Guys [we had to, this time the breakfast with the Portuguese sausage was our goal] before heading over to Kamehamea for Addy's performance. We learned from last time and got there early enough to get a spot in line in the shade. Her performance was the culmination of the whole, transformative experience for me and her and she seemed more herself as well then I had ever seen. She told me later she just felt like she 'made sense' here. Her and Audrey have plans to some day come back as roommates, and I am all for it. She has been talking with the friends she made the whole time since we've been back and it's been wonderful.
After getting her, we dropped our bags off at our last hotel by the airport before grabbing lunch at one of the many amazing food courts at Ala Moana. They had something for everyone there. Then we headed back to the hotel, and while my parents rested for a bit, me and Addy swam in the pool. We then piled back in the car to swim at Waikiki again, and be in the ocean with everyone else while we watched the fireworks. This, and a last trip to an ABC were the perfect end to a wonderful trip.
Saturday
In all honesty, the next day of traveling [we left at 5:30 and got back to our house by 1:00am] was tough. Lots of tears for saying goodbye to grandma and grandpa, and to Hawaii. Lolo and the kids were ready and waiting for us and getting to hug my babies was the best. Addy has had a hard time adjusting back [shoot, we all have] but I keep reminding her that home can be in more than one place. My FIL headed back home the next morning; of course, we all miss him and know without him, Lester and my parents this whole experience wouldn't have been possible. And we are grateful.
So ultimetly, I am changed from this trip. And yet also-the same; just more myself, as is Addy. And I can't wait to come back with Lester and the rest of my babies. I'll never get over it.
