Five Years Later
/
0 Comments
Yesterday marked two very important and special days for me. It was my Grandparents anniversary and a week earlier, it was mine and Lester's 5th wedding anniversary. I think about all the things that have happened in those years-the events both big and small, and the millions of ways the universe had to collide properly to make them possible, and to keep us together. I think of all the millions of things that could have changed how things worked out and about the forces working against us that we could've fallen head first into, but didn't. People often say marriage is hard-and if you ask me I would agree with them to a point [Lester not so much apparently-but that is another story haha.] But I think part of it is because it is not a passive thing-I know there are times with extenuating circumstances, but I think if you want a relationship and especially a marriage to work out, so far it takes truly active work on both parts, to accept the other persons faults, love them regardless, but to also help them to overcome them and become a better person. It also takes humility as they try to do the same for you.
I thought I had already included this poem somewhere on here-and honestly as much as I love the written word, poetry in general is not my favorite thing [too many feelings haha]. But my all time favorite poem and one of my favorite descriptions of love is Shakespeare's sonnet 116.
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wand'ring bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come;
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me prov'd,
I never writ, nor no man ever lov'd.
So many people find each other and think they've finally found the right match, but then when storms or struggles come, the love fades or they decide they need to move on.
True love does like the poem says-it is an ever fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken. Time can't alter it, trials can't shake it and neither can other people or distractions. It is consistent, it is kind, it is patient, it is strong, it is safe, it is secure, and it is confident.
To be in love with someone is to know and accept someone with their imperfections and weaknesses, but choosing to see and focus and develop all the best qualities in them, while overcoming the bad ones. It is not passive or easy, it is hard and active and it takes work, on both ends. It means to be committed, and it means some turning of the other cheek, some fights and some tears. But it also means always having someone always there, being your truly happiest, and getting someone's best, and becoming your best self. It means more then your a part of something bigger then yourself. It means true clarity and joy.
My Grandparents were some of those rare couples now a days who showed us how to love. They are not perfect, and they never pretended to be. I've seen them roll their eyes at each other or fight here or there in my life. But I've also seen the tender way they speak about each other-the way my Grandpa always wanted to personally shop for gifts for my Grandma instead of delegating, even in his old age, the way he always referred to her as 'his sweetheart', the way she'd blush and roll her eyes and say 'Oh Sam!' all exasperated when he complimented her but have a lingering smile, they way they'd take care of each other and stick together without hesitation through difficulties, be they in this life or the next. They took the tempests and were never shaken-they were one of many examples I've been blessed to have of how to love over an eternity, and I love seeing many of these same goals and traits in mine and Lester's relationship. People say 'I can't wait to spend eternity with you!' but I feel like its so much more then that-eternity isn't something I look forward to because it I'm living it with him-it means your past, your present and your future. It is hard for me to remember a time when Lester wasn't a part of my life, because the longer we're married the more those times don't exist without him. Does that make any sense? Maybe he wasn't there when my cousins and I sang Spice Girls, or when my sisters and I would all cram into the bathroom to brush our teeth and duke it out over who was hogging the sink or a million other things. But we are so much a part of each other now that in a way he was there for that-because he's a part of me, of who I am and all that comes with that. I'm probably not expressing this right, but at least I know what I mean haha!
Anyways-I guess I just wanted to record some of my thoughts and feelings on this. Someday I know my kids will bring home potential candidates for their eternity, and it will be hard and wonderful and weird for me. But I hope they know what to look for and what to seek out from reading this, sure, but also from just seeing it every day from me and Lester [the way I have with my parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts etc.] I hope it will help them to be realistic about things, but to not settle for less then they deserve. These past 11 years of dating, and 5 years of marriage have taken us places I never could have foreseen, with or without the rose colored glasses that come from initially loving someone. But theres not a single one that I would ask to be removed-it has, is and will be a wonderful eternity with my Lester and my babies, and I am grateful beyond measure for that.
So I guess happy anniversary to my Grandparents, and happy anniversary to us! Enjoying and looking forward to an endless number more!
[My Uncle Roger & Aunt Lynette included this picture in my Grandpa's book/memoirs and I love it, and thought I'd share it.]
[We had dinner at The Cheesecake Factory on top of Macy's in Union Square, which we ate at one night on our honeymoon 5 years ago...fun!]
