Lester FINALLY got a schedule change HOORAY! This means that until it changes again [which could be any time] he has weekends off! So, today since he was home with us, we took her downtown to our favorite little park. Although she can't do much there yet, she LOVES watching the other kids and when I take her with me on the slides and what not. Afterwards, we had an early dinner at Lester's favorite buffet, and grabbed some stuff at Walmart. It was a fun little trip and we all thoroughly enjoyed it! I live for fun moments like this.

I'm thinking about titles right now. For example, I know that growing up people would sometimes refer to me as one of the 'Hanaike girls'. I know some of my younger siblings have been referred to as 'Julia's sister' when coming into classes where I had the teacher before them. In life I think there are a lot of titles, but typically, people want to be called by their own name or known for their own merits. I know at some point or another I did.

But tonight I was thinking that from now on, my title is Mom. That there is a good chance Addy's friends, teachers, or co workers may not know my actual individual name. They won't know that I love to cook, that I am a night owl, that I love to read or that I love sweaters and virgin pina coladas. They will just know me as 'Addy's Mom.'

And you know what? I don't mind this one bit. This is the title I was made for, the one that I will wear proudly and always cherish. Being Mom is hard-I only have one baby now, and there are still moments where its difficult to be sick or in a million places at once, while still trying to meet every ones needs. But there is nothing I'd rather be called in the whole world then Mom.

Being Mom means that you are needed-that you are important-that you are loved unconditionally, even if the people who love you don't know it or recognize it. Being a Mom means feeling like you want to give your children the whole world, and to understand that their successes are just as important, if not more important then your own. It means finding the greatest joy outside of yourself and in those you dedicate your life to. It means often coming last, working hard, doing your best, sacrificing your time and interests, wiping snot and baby bottoms and trying to keep it together when being screamed and cried at. It also means the greatest, most indescribable happiness and fulfillment you can possibly get. How is that possible? How can I describe that? I wish I could find the words but I can't. All I know is that I love being a Mom and it is the best choice we ever made. I'm so grateful to have such a wonderful example in my own Mother, and I understand and appreciate her so much more then I ever have now. I am also so grateful to Lester for being the one to make me a Mom, and for being 100% invested and in love with his role as a Father as I am. I'm grateful to him for seeing the Mother in me even when I couldn't. In high school, after we'd been dating for a while, I asked him what made him fall in love with me. He said lots of things, but the main thing was he thought what a great Mother I'd be. As a teenage girl, this was the last thing I wanted to hear-but as and adult women and now actual Mother, I know that this was the ultimate compliment-that he saw the absolute best in me, because at times, this is what it takes to be a Mother. I'm grateful to Addy for being mine-my girl. For smiling when she sees me, laughing when I kiss her to much, being patient with me as I figure it all out, and loving me no matter what I look like and for the millions of ways she makes me laugh and smile. I'm grateful to God for knowing we needed her specifically, for letting her be ours. Again, I'm so lucky to have the support systems I have and I can't say enough times how much I love love love being a Mom.

I'm writing this because I just put Addy down because my arms were aching from holding her, but I still didn't want to walk away. I'm writing this because I can't sleep since I'm not tired yet and this is the first time I'm having 'me' time all day. I'm writing this because tomorrow morning when she is wide awake, or hungry or poopy and I am tired or needing a bathroom break, there is a good chance I might forget for a second. I'm writing this because right now life is hard, but this part of my life-this part is perfect. I need to remember and cherish these perfect feelings and memories, and always remember how much I love being this girls Momma. I'm writing this because I need everyone out there who reads this to know how much I truly, deeply love being a Mom. I'm writing this so someday when I am gone, forever away from now hopefully, Addy can read this and know without a doubt that her Mom loved being hers more then anything and that she is what kept them going in hard times. I am writing this so when Addy gets the chance to be somebody's Momma and she feels discouraged, she will hold out and write this message to her own baby. I love love love being a Mom.

For a while, being sick prevented us from getting much interaction with-well-anyone outside of Skype haha. But for once, we are all on the up and up so we have gotten back into hanging out with some friends. I am particularly excited about this for Addy's sake-she has gotten to the phase where she has started to be a tad bit clingy. Over all, she is still pretty friendly, but I want to make sure she is used to other ppl for the blessed day when we someday make it home again.

We are lucky that the few friend we have bring their cute kids sometimes. The two she interacts with the most are a sweet baby girl a few weeks younger then her, and a cute boy who is almost a year [we call him her boyfriend]. While they don't do much, Addy likes to talk with the girl and smile and just watch the boy. Haha-anyways we think its fun for her, and fun for us to interact with other ppl. So thats been good. Anywho, thats just a short update on whats been going on with us!

Well, by some miracle, Lester Pester Poo was off for Valentines Day! I'm still recovering from a cold though, so we tried to balance having fun with taking it fairly easy. It still ended up being pretty momentous though since it was the first time we ever left Addy with a babysitter [our friends from our ward.] It felt so weird leaving a place without her-like a part of my body was missing. But I think it was really good for us, and for her. I want her to get used to being around alot of people, so she can develop good social skills and what not. I also know that as much as I wish she would never leave and stay ours forever, someday she will grow up and leave us-so I want to make sure Lester and I are always laughing, learning and dating each other; lets face it, we will be the ones who stick around for each other when we're old and wrinkly. So ultimately it was a good thing all around.

But, I digress! After dropping Addy off, Lester and I headed over to the Oklahoma City LDS temple. It was my first time going for six months [pregnancy kind of takes away the ability to sit for long periods of time without having to go pee!] and it was good. I loved feeling the peace of mind and heart that only the temple can bring.

After picking our sweet girl up, we came home and took some naps, and then headed out to Bricktown for the best dinner we've had since we came to Oklahoma. It was Cajun and the restaurant was full of atmosphere and DELICIOUS food. I felt inspired to learn how to cook that kind of food!

Anyways, it was a fun simple day and we loved it. We're going to watch the classic Ten Things I Hate About You now, and cuddle. It may not be as crazy as last year [see this post], but it was SO needed and wonderful. We'll see where we end up next year on this day!

Boy. When it rains, it pours. Lester has the flu now. I feel kinda like we're in the never ending stream of curve balls. Once one trial ends, another one comes whizzing at us and we are forced to say, 'OK how do we handle this one?' I'm just having a hard time wrapping my head around taking care of Addy 24/7 and Lester 24/7, all while keeping them completely separate. She just got over bronchitis, so I would really love it if she could dodge this. I just keep thinking to myself 'how am I gonna do this?'

My Dad made a good point though when I called him [he does that every once in a while]. Of course, after trying to call Mom without success, he answered and was teasing me. But then he reminded me of the time when my Mom ruptured her Achilles tendon. I remember that from a young kids perspective-that is when I had to learn to do laundry myself and make food myself. I never thought about how it was from my parents vantage point.

Of course, it was hard enough for my Mom. But I never though about how my Dad had to work long days on top of trying to juggle the four of us [at the time], with different pick-ups, personalities and needs. Every time he started to think 'how am I gonna do this?' he would start to get overwhelmed, but that didn't change the fact that he still had to do it. So he decided to stop thinking about HOW he was going to make it happen, and just did it. I think maybe that's what I need to do in this situation-stop thinking and questioning the how, and just buckle down and make it happen. Just do it. Maybe the person who made the Nike slogan wasn't necessarily an athlete-maybe it was an incredibly busy, impossibly overwhelmed Mom.

By now, I've picked up a few tricks as to what works with Addy and what doesn't. One of the most effective tricks to calming her down is taking her to look in the bathroom mirror. She loves it. She is already pretty generous with her smiles, but she seems to reserve the biggest, best ones for herself. I don't know if she has connected the fact that what she is looking at is her, or if she is just practicing her cuteness, but it works without fail almost every time. I got a few of them on camera, but they don't do justice to how big or how awesome they are.