I'm thinking about titles right now. For example, I know that growing up people would sometimes refer to me as one of the 'Hanaike girls'. I know some of my younger siblings have been referred to as 'Julia's sister' when coming into classes where I had the teacher before them. In life I think there are a lot of titles, but typically, people want to be called by their own name or known for their own merits. I know at some point or another I did.

But tonight I was thinking that from now on, my title is Mom. That there is a good chance Addy's friends, teachers, or co workers may not know my actual individual name. They won't know that I love to cook, that I am a night owl, that I love to read or that I love sweaters and virgin pina coladas. They will just know me as 'Addy's Mom.'

And you know what? I don't mind this one bit. This is the title I was made for, the one that I will wear proudly and always cherish. Being Mom is hard-I only have one baby now, and there are still moments where its difficult to be sick or in a million places at once, while still trying to meet every ones needs. But there is nothing I'd rather be called in the whole world then Mom.

Being Mom means that you are needed-that you are important-that you are loved unconditionally, even if the people who love you don't know it or recognize it. Being a Mom means feeling like you want to give your children the whole world, and to understand that their successes are just as important, if not more important then your own. It means finding the greatest joy outside of yourself and in those you dedicate your life to. It means often coming last, working hard, doing your best, sacrificing your time and interests, wiping snot and baby bottoms and trying to keep it together when being screamed and cried at. It also means the greatest, most indescribable happiness and fulfillment you can possibly get. How is that possible? How can I describe that? I wish I could find the words but I can't. All I know is that I love being a Mom and it is the best choice we ever made. I'm so grateful to have such a wonderful example in my own Mother, and I understand and appreciate her so much more then I ever have now. I am also so grateful to Lester for being the one to make me a Mom, and for being 100% invested and in love with his role as a Father as I am. I'm grateful to him for seeing the Mother in me even when I couldn't. In high school, after we'd been dating for a while, I asked him what made him fall in love with me. He said lots of things, but the main thing was he thought what a great Mother I'd be. As a teenage girl, this was the last thing I wanted to hear-but as and adult women and now actual Mother, I know that this was the ultimate compliment-that he saw the absolute best in me, because at times, this is what it takes to be a Mother. I'm grateful to Addy for being mine-my girl. For smiling when she sees me, laughing when I kiss her to much, being patient with me as I figure it all out, and loving me no matter what I look like and for the millions of ways she makes me laugh and smile. I'm grateful to God for knowing we needed her specifically, for letting her be ours. Again, I'm so lucky to have the support systems I have and I can't say enough times how much I love love love being a Mom.

I'm writing this because I just put Addy down because my arms were aching from holding her, but I still didn't want to walk away. I'm writing this because I can't sleep since I'm not tired yet and this is the first time I'm having 'me' time all day. I'm writing this because tomorrow morning when she is wide awake, or hungry or poopy and I am tired or needing a bathroom break, there is a good chance I might forget for a second. I'm writing this because right now life is hard, but this part of my life-this part is perfect. I need to remember and cherish these perfect feelings and memories, and always remember how much I love being this girls Momma. I'm writing this because I need everyone out there who reads this to know how much I truly, deeply love being a Mom. I'm writing this so someday when I am gone, forever away from now hopefully, Addy can read this and know without a doubt that her Mom loved being hers more then anything and that she is what kept them going in hard times. I am writing this so when Addy gets the chance to be somebody's Momma and she feels discouraged, she will hold out and write this message to her own baby. I love love love being a Mom.