Does your heart every feel so full that it could burst? Does it ever like its brimming so far over the top that its going to culminate into tears and embarrass you and her? Does it ever feel things so strongly that you feel more deep peace then you ever thought possible, and also more strange sadness when you realize that it won't always be this way? Does it ever ache and pulse at the same time when you think of all that you were missing before and yet how much better the world is now with her in it? Do you every think of how you hope this moment will last an eternity, while still wanting to see all the millions of miracles she discovers as she grows every day? Do you ever close your eyes and silently thank the Lord for allowing you to be a part of this? Do you ever think about how all that work and pain and time is, and would have been worth it, for even one of these moments-and then realize how lucky you are to have a lifetime of them? Does it ever feel like it is just to much, in both good ways and hard ones? Do you ever look at your life now and think about how even in your wildest dreams, when you wondered how she'd look or who she'd take after, you could never have even come close to how beautiful she is? Do you ever think in some ordinary moment that you don't know when it happened or how it happened-but that somehow, someway-you are complete...that you are happy?

I feel like I've blogged here and there about my brother but right now I would like to blog about my sister Sam. Her birthday is the day after Christmas, so with all the festivities I don't always get around to blogging on her special day. So I will take this time to do that right now, as she is going into surgery and will need something to read during her recovery!

Sam is one of the spunkiest, most unique and fun individuals. I remember when she was a baby she had a smile that seems to go from ear to ear and it could light up a room-I think her niece has gotten that from her. She still has that smile, although you can only catch them if you see her in person, which makes them all the more worth earning. It took her a long time to learn to talk as a kid, but once she did it seemed like she didn't stop because she had so many things going through her bright mind she wanted to share them all! She is willing and ready to offer any one her friendship, and she is an extremely loyal and kind person. If she is your friend, you will never have to walk alone. She is true to herself-she knows what she likes, and one of my favorite things about her is that she doesn't change that for anyone. Whether its Harry Stiles from One Direction or Full House, or things more serious like her beliefs and values, she sticks to her guns even if that is not always the popular choice. We need more people like that! I want to be like that! She is an example to me, and always has been. She exudes the divine nature the girls in her church talk about and is proud of it. She walks in righteous paths, whether that means she is surrounded by friends, or whether she is walking alone. And the best part is she is happy to do it-I have never been good being alone, but she has taught me that we never truly are alone when we walk confidently with our friend and Savior. She loves to dance and sing, and she does this often. She is smart and beautiful. She has these huge brown eyes and adorable freckles and the most gorgeous, wild dark red hair you could find anywhere. She forgives people easily, and is always willing to give the benefit of the doubt. She is definitely a spit fire and is passionate about the things she does and doesn't like, and she makes that known.

I love Sam and I am so happy and proud to call her my sister! She is having surgery today which will require an long and difficult recovery, and I know that before she went in she was nervous. I hope she knows how proud we are of her and that we are praying for her often. It will be difficult, but she is made of strong stuff and she will make it through this! We are so excited that we will be able to see her in 20 something days and we can't wait till that time comes. YOU ARE LOVED SAM! Know you are thought of and prayed for and that this is temporary and better things are coming!

Our girl is 8 months today! She seems to grow and change so much every day, let alone in a month. Since last time, she has continued to become quite the little spit fire. She is at this point where she is fiercely independent, but still needs our help. She never wants to just sit-she wants to walk like crazy, but although she has mastered the steps, she is still working on her balance. When she is not trying to cruise the furniture, she is reaching and rolling and crawling [sorta-with her face in the carpet haha crazy child!] for our hands so we can 'walk her'. Not pick her up-but give her our fingers to hold on to and then let her walk/run wherever she has to go right that second. She is always in a hurry it seems, which is good bc she is still eating like a champ.

Today was such a fun day! Lester had it off, and we were able to get together for one of the last times with some of our friends. We hooked up at our favorite park, where they had opened up the water part of it. We were initially expecting it to be fairly lame, but it was great, especially with kids. A majority of the water parts you could wade in which was great for the babies, and they had lots of fun interactive water areas. But they even had a few fairly good water slides for the adults! After wards we were able to get together with our friends for pizza at our favorite authentic place, The Wedge. It was delicious, full of good food and good conversation. The waiter even brought the girls some fruit in their high chairs [which we of course put into tiny pieces for them to try.] I love summer days like this, and I will miss our friends here for sure.

Things have been pretty rough around this apartment since the dreaded teething has darkened our door. You know how it is-the full fledged, constant drooling, the crying and clingyness for no apparent reason, the never ending phlegm that comes as a result of all that. I think the worst is the cold symptoms. She gets so clogged up that then she has trouble eating or using a pacifier to soothe herself, and because of that, by the time she actually sits and eats she is a little fussy ball of hunger and tiredness.

Today we braved the super hot weather and headed out to Bricktown to check out the Botanical Gardens there. Ironically, while the lobby was heated, the gardens itself were extremely hot, especially the higher up we went. But still, it was a fun experience and a nice outing as a family. We live for days like this, and it is always fun for me to see how much Addy enjoys her Daddy and how much he enjoys her. I love my family and the simple wonderful days like this one.

Hooray, a happy post! Haha its been so long since we had one of those that I am excited to share. On Wednesday morning, my loving husband got back from work and told me he was ready to hit the road. We had wanted to get a break from all the heavy things going on her for a few days, and since I have family in Texas we decided that today was the day. So we loaded up, and drove away from the thunder, rain and dark clouds that were still plaguing us.

Even though we were only there for a few days, it was the perfect little escape. In the mornings, Lester and I were able to enjoy the beautiful weather as just the three of us, with shopping and swimming. We haven't had enough time as just our little family in far to long. Then, in the afternoons and evenings we got to spend time with my fun and generous Aunt and Uncle and their family. We particularly enjoyed hanging out with my cousin Rocio and her family. We laughed, talked, swam and played the whole time. Addy was definitely had a hard time with the adjustment to her schedule and I think she was a little overwhelmed by the constant noise and fun, but she definitely loved the other kids and the swimming to no end. It was good practice for when we are home again, bc that house sure ain't quiet either haha.

Anywho, we are going back to Texas for a few days around the fourth of July and I just can't wait!

Considering my last post this one will be ironic since the things I wrote about hoping to never deal with again happened a day later. But I am constantly thinking about the things generations beyond me will have to deal with and I want them to know of my experiences in case they can be of help somehow. Especially now that I have a daughter-I want her to know its ok to have a hard time, to be scared and have trouble getting over something. I want her to know that I have faith that hard things pass, and I want to be able to show her proof of that a few months from now when I am hoping to write about how much better we’re doing and how this is a distant memory.
This post is going to be brutally honest, and I don’t care if people think the less of me. Other people seem to be handling this so much better then us, even with their much worse damage and circumstances. But for me it was terrifying and I don’t feel bad about feeling that way anymore. My husband and I have talked over and over again about this and asked each other how can we ever describe this to someone? How could they ever understand how it was? I don’t think you can unless you’ve been through it-you might think you understand, but you don’t. I didn’t-scary things have happened before in my life, and I thought I knew what it was to be scared for my life, but I just didn’t until now. 
And the thing is I can’t stop replaying it over and over in my mind and thinking about how lucky we were, and how I don’t want to have to keep saying this when it happens again and again. I think about how things that used to be beautiful are just terrifying now. Like rain-it used to be comforting, now all I see is the potential for softball size hail, or flash floods, or it falling so fast and hard its is going vertical with the wind, knocking down trees and breaking peoples windows. Or how we used to count till the thunder came as kids, but now its so loud you think crazy thoughts like we must be under attack because there is an explosion. Or the brightness of lightning, how it used to be so pretty but now its blinding and doesn’t stop for hours and it goes from black to white even through your closed blinds. Or worst of all-tornados, which seem fake in movies but are all to much of a scary reality.
That facts are this. We had basic storm warnings all week, that went between ‘isolated T storms’ and ‘severe thunder storms’. So far, most of them had come to naught and that morning we had even gone and seen a movie because it was so hot. On our way back, Lester, who had been sick all weekend, was getting worse so he had to call in sick to work. I was considering taking Addy swimming, when I got a text from a good friend in the area asking if we were ok. I was confused, and then she explained that the weather reports were concerning because when it gets so hot so fast, the heat rises and mixes with the cold air, causing swirling and a great potential for tornados. We turned on the news and she was right so we stayed inside. The three of us took a nap until we woke up a few hours later to find that there was indeed a tornado about 30 minutes away from us where another dear friend lives. We were very concerned for her, especially when they started saying that the usual hiding in an interior room, such as a bathroom wasn’t gonna cut it. We found out today she is ok so that is a miracle. I had our bags packed already in advance, and we knew we had to leave, but the question was where. In reviewing our plan from last time, we felt that a wiser choice then would have been to just drive as far the opposite direction of the tornado as possible. We considered doing that, or going back to our friends house-I don’t know why but we chose to stay at our friends. This was the right choice, because with the news reports everyone had been trying to drive away and it resulted in the closing of major high ways-of the few deaths that occurred many of them were people on the roads. Again, we are so lucky to be safe.
Apart from that, the news was extremely on top of things and because of the excellent coverage, we along with everyone it seemed on this side of Oklahoma took cover. Before the lights went out, we knew it was heading our direction and that another tornado was forming. I have already told you how scary it was outside. Because the lights were out and we were in the closets, we tried the best we could when we had reception to hear any news about what was going on. There were two instances where we heard and could feel the tornados. The scariest was when it was absolutely violent outside, and then all of the suddenly everything was 100% still. We had no idea how close the tornado was, if it was far or if we were possibly in it. It was just such a foreboding stillness before it all started back up again-like it was saying ‘brace yourself’ or something.
 Eventually, several hours later, things had calmed down enough that we were able to see if our apartment was ok, and by some miracle it was. Driving the short distance to our place, we saw debri like trampolines from who knows where and some trees torn in half. We waited the night out in darkness and lightning and woke up to our lights back on-us being some of the only people in the larger Oklahoma area with power. Once the news was back on, we found that there had only been nine casualties and that there had in fact been three tornados that had touched down 2 miles away from us. 
After waiting till the flash flood warnings had subsided, we were to the point where we had to go get some food so we ventured out. Our street had been blocked and barricaded because the telephone poles were lying on the ground, still connected an who knows if they were live or not. In our short drive, many streets were under the same circumstances, and there were trees, fences and power lines down all over the place. At that point, all we could do was laugh because there was no way that just happened. It is all just to much. 







The crazy part is, these tornados we less severe then the one last week that destroyed much of Moore. But because one was closer to us, and there were three of them it felt even closer to home. It was traumatic, and the only time I sleep is when I am so exhausted I can’t stay up and it is good because I am so tired I don’t dream. Every day gets a little better in some ways-I know this fear and these feelings will pass, but every time they do start to I think ‘but don’t put your guard down-who knows whats coming next.’ I guess I just feel like we got punched when we were all down. Lester stayed home sick for one more day, but today he heads back to work for a few days. I don’t know what I would have done if he had not been here-like I said before, I am able to keep it together a lot better during these situations for Addy’s sake, but we would have been stranded both physically, and [after she fell asleep] emotionally had it not been for him. This talk sums up how I feel both in my faith at this point and my moments of discouragement-its entitled “Hope you know, we had a hard time..’ It basically talks about how there are times where we come to the Savior in fear and pain and confide in our Father in Heaven ‘Hope ya know, we had a hard time..’ and he is able to provide the peace and comfort we are so earnestly seeking. I know I have needed to approach him with this sentiment several times this week...and multiple times he has reassured me an calmed my troubled soul, as I am sure he is doing with those so much more hurt then me. 
I guess I would just like to end by saying two things. The first is that this experience has given me perspective-there will always be vexations in life, be it from the occasion car trouble, game loss, or just difficult day for whatever reason. But now, all those things seem so minuscule in the grand scheme of things-especially as I watch neighbors open their homes to displaced family members, or people grieving for the loss of their home, or worst, loved ones. We should try to learn to appreciate what we have and not waste time being upset about the other things-but even as I write this, I know some day I will forget this, and my perspective will go back to being spoiled. I am desperately trying to dwell on these positives right now, because I have my family, my health and my safety-and even though we feel invincible, life is beautiful and fragile and you never know how long it is going to last. Luckily, for us, ours is an eternal family-but still I would like us to be able to enjoy each other now as well.
Also, many people have asked why we don’t come home now. I know lots of people don’t understand this and there are moments where we ask ourselves why not leave now? But there are several reasons we are staying, and until July, we are going to ride this thing out. When we do leave here, I know we will be happy but also so incredibly proud of ourselves for the things we’ve accomplished and the ways we have changed. So come July, we will be there with bells on-but at this point no sooner.
Now that I have probably sufficiently shown you my weaknesses, I do want to say I KNOW your prayers and support have helped. We feel them in every thing we do and every step we take. Thank you, thank you, thank you on behalf of us and all those who are receiving the blessings you are all bringing. They are numerous indeed. Please be patient with us as we continue to cope with all this, and as we try to get in contact with you when we can-it could be a while at this point.  Just know that we love you all too, so much and we appreciate you.