Today is a simple good day. The fact that it is one of Lester's days off makes that kinda a give in, but right now I am clinging to the basic good days of normalcy. I like that me and Addy are beginning to find a routine and I feel like I am very slowly, but surely starting to gain control of my new, wonderful, ever changing life.

I have banana bread w/ Ghirardelli chocolate chips in baking in the oven. I'm covered in a fuzzy blanket with new episodes of Psych on. I have just finished feeding, burping, changing and cuddling her to sleep successfully. I have finished the laundry and the dishes. I am actually showered, dressed and feeling not sick. I have journaled and made goals to help the things that I am struggling with be more endurable. I have talked with family and friends. I have candles burning, and we have Christmas decorations up. I have my Mom coming on Saturday to look forward to, some time off to spend with Lester and hopefully a visit to Texas, and then a visit home to bless our sweet baby.

Best of all, I have people who love and care for me and my beautiful family, with a gospel I believe in to sustain me in the hard times. I don't think I am 100% in the clear yet. I don't think I've ever gone through any kind of real depression, and this whole baby blues syndrome [or whatever it is] is something I never could have fathomed before. I also think that when you are pregnant, you think to yourself 'after the baby comes, and things get back to normal..'but then, you do have your miracle baby, and you realize that things will never 'go back' to the way they were before. They will always be different-you are parents now and that can be overwhelming. But then you realize one day as you smell the banana bread cooking and think about your new life that you would never, ever want it to go back to how it was before, even if it is incredibly hard at times.

So, since right now I am feeling good, I am going to look forward. I am going to cherish this moment and do everything I can to feel that way more often, and not be hard on myself even when I do feel down. Its always darkest before the dawn right? Right.

PS: I hope anyone who reads this blog doesn't feel like I am ungrateful for the incredible family I have. Lester and Addy are the best things that have ever happened to me without question, and I love them more then anything. Writing these feelings and experiences I am having just helps me to see through the veil of this depression, [which apparently up to 80% of women experience] and see things for what they really are..a blessing.

PPS: I am adding pictures of Addy because lets face it she's adorable!]