Lester and I started dating when we were kids. We would often make fun plans and dream big and sing 'Wouldn't It Be Nice?' by the Beach Boys and think about when we were older. It all seemed too wonderful to think that all those things could come true...

but good news...THEY DID! We had our separate adventures, traveled, lived, learned, then got married and now have had our own sweet, beautiful, darling little baby! Sure, there are moments where sleep seems like a far gone memory and my emotions are a bit shot. But oh-when I hold her my entire world stops. In those sweet, unconditionally loving eyes and perfect little body are every single one of my teenage dreams come true. She is my whole world. Everything starts and ends with her and I want nothing more then to do right by her and Lester. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed that someone needs me that much-like there are so many ways to do the wrong thing or mess up. I'm finding guilt is a constant companion for a new Mom in the midst of the baby blues-guilt because I didn't pick her up fast enough, guilt when I can't sleep because I want to make sure every single breathe she takes is just right, or guilt when I'm just not perfect.

But as I am starting to feel better every day and see things more clearly, I realize that of anyone, she loves me no matter what I do and her needs are being met. She will not judge me or hold it against me if her outfit isn't matching, or if my hair is a mess. She loves me and she needs me, just as I love her and need her to make me a better more humble, Christlike person. This experience is also revealing my own needs-more then ever I find myself needing the love and support of my family, and my own Momma. It doesn't matter if I am a world away, or if I feel alone. My Mom succors my needs and tells me all the things I so desperately need to hear. I think when you leave home, you think you've reached adulthood officially-like you'll miss your Mom, but you won't need her as much. But if anything, I'm realizing you need your Mom more then ever-and that you always will. I hope with all my heart that I can be even half the Momma mine is to me. I'm also realizing the true love a parent has for child, and the love my Father and Savior must have for me. My sweet husband gave me a blessing the other day, and in it I was reminded that if anyone knows how I'm feeling, it is my Savior. I always thought it was just a funny fact that Christ was the only naturally born man in the world who knows how it is to be pregnant since he felt the pains of all the world. But now I know how much I needed that-he knows my heart and how hard it was, and is now, and because of that he knows my needs and is sending the resources to meet them. Any other needs I have are also being met by the support of extended family, friends and my church. I am so just so blessed and even though its hard its also so much better then I could have ever imagined.