Tonight my thoughts are all over the place but I will try to keep this fairly easy to follow. We'll see what happens haha..

First of all, do you ever have those moments where you literally just want to lock you doors, close your windows and shut out the world entirely? Like if my windows are closed, the scary things out there will simply cease to exist. Today I have felt like that multiple times. I know that people are probably getting tired of me talking about this, but that tornado thing really did shake me. I wish that  I could look at it and think to myself 'that will never happen again for us', but the fact is they don't call it 'tornado day'-it is called tornado 'season'. Meaning for basically the rest of our time here, although people keep saying it probably won't, another tornado could potentially rip through our lives again. I used to love the sound of thunder and the sight of lightning, because it meant I could watch it safe in my warm and cozy pjs and blankets from my house-but now even the slightest roar of thunder worries me, and the big ones have me grabbing my baby and our bags and running for cover. Today is one of those days. Lester is at work, we are on tornado watch [remember watch is the less serious one, warning is the serious one..] the lights have got out two times, and the thunder and lightning is shaking our apartment and my spirits. I have never been good in these situations, but now that I have a kid who looks to me for cues on how to react or if she should be scared or not, I have to keep it together. I am doing my best, and I think I am getting better, but my heart still pounds out of control at it. I hope this is something I will get over, and I hope with that we, along with all the wonderful people of Oklahoma don't have to deal with another tornado this year.

I also wish that I could close my windows and doors and shut out other things to; things like time and the things Addy will have to face someday. I know that in every stage of her life there will be things to look forward to-but I would love to just keep Addy at this stage for a little bit longer and slow the clock  from making her grow so fast. People complain about the clingy stage, and I realize that one of the reasons I don't mind it so much is because I don't see a ton of other people here, but I love it and I kind of don't want it to end. I love the way she reaches for me and always scoots on her little bum in a sitting position till she is practically on top of me. I love the way she looks at me when she is proud of herself, or when she is nervous, or hurt- how she has to have me sitting so close that she can always grab me, rest her head on me or give me a big hug. She is my best friend, and I know I will always feel that way about her-but I also know that her growing up can change that on her end, and there may be phases where she doesn't just want her Momma. I am not look forward to that so much haha. So I am going to absolutely cherish this clingy phase for a while-especially since she is so friendly, and once we are home will have so many options of people to enjoy. At least she will still look for me first for a while.








Anyways, I guess I will end with this thought. When I am trying to deal with these things and realizing that I can't shut it all out, no matter how much try, I think of The Sound Of Music of all things. There are several important lessons in that movie, and one might automatically think of My Favorite Things when they are huddled together to hide from the thunder storm here, but the one I want to mention is from the song I Have Confidence. This song defines where I am at in my life, what I am trying to do and all my feelings right now in this phase in my life. I could go line by line and tell you how each one applies to me-but I won't. I will just mentioned one. At one point she sings 'Strength doesn't lie in numbers. Strength doesn't lie in wealth. Strength lies in nights of peaceful slumber-when you wake up, wake up-its healthy!'

I know this is true. The times I am feeling the most confident, the strongest and the most able to tackle all the wonderful and scary things before me, are the times I am doing everything I can to be my best and serve other people, particularly my family, and the peaceful nights of slumber are the confirmation of that fact, and the reward that rejuvenates me. If I can go to bed without wondering 'Did I do enough? Do they know how much I love them? Have I met everyones needs to the best of my ability?' then I can sleep soundly in a deep, peaceful sleep and know that I am waking up to something new and surmountable. Period. THAT is where strength comes from. THAT is where confidence to handle the seemingly impossible stems from. THAT is where peace is resides. In selfless service we meet others needs and find that somehow, magically, our needs are being met as well.

So, even though it may take me a while to get to a point where I am not a little nervous or scared in tornado warnings or thunderstorms, or even just about our undefined future, I know that I will get there as I do all that I can to take care of my family. Its harder to lose your head when your focused on helping everyone else keep theirs I think. I have confidence in me.

I am posting the lyrics to this song because they are just SO good and worth everyone reading what they say, or better yet hearing Julie Andrews perform them, because she rocks it. Hopefully it will boost your confidence as it has mine: